My Cousin Raped Me....

When I was 6 years old, I was very close to my older cousin. She was 14 or 15 at the time, and we would always hang out whenever I went to visit my cousins, because my other ones always annoyed me. It started out as nothing but one day we were in my grandparent’s room watching a movie when she slid her hand down my pants. I didn’t know what was happening so I tried pulling away asking her: “What are you doing?” She just shushed me and kept doing it, even though I clearly didn’t want it. I didn’t know what was happening to me, because I knew so little about was s** or rape was. I tried to tell her to stop but she pulled my pants down and took advantage of me. It became a frequent thing every time my family went to visit them. I never knew when to expect it. It could be in the bathroom or bedroom or basement. One time she held me down on the bathroom floor and forced my head between her thighs after I told her “I didn’t want to” and “that’s gross.” But she never listened to me. I never told my parents or anyone about what she did to me and how she took advantage of me multiple times. But I can never get out of my head what she said to me...

“Shhh, just be quiet and don’t tell. It’ll be our little secret.”

It stopped happening when I was about 8. I am stuck. I don’t know what to do. It’s been 6 years now and I still haven’t told anyone. But I still think about what happened constantly. And every time we go back to visit she acts like nothing ever happened. And we’re still best friends or something. Every time I hug her, I can feel my lungs tighten and have to smile and act like I don’t remember. I get anxious whenever I’m around her. So anxious sometimes I vomit and get headaches because I get so panicked it might happen again.

I’m so lost.

Please help me.

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8 Comments

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  • Please, Contact Your Local Police, What your cousin did is illegal, and i'm so truly sorry, i have never ever experianced anything like this, please start seeing somebody that you can trust, i know that it might seem like a rude thing to do. but if you'd like to talk to someone, just email me..

    thelonelygamer12345@gmail.com

  • If it’s bothering you should talk to someone you didn’t ask for this it’s not your fault that was wrong what she did try a school counselor no names involved there’s anonymous help you can get

  • Are you boy or girl?

  • Girl

  • Get therapy or simply talk to someone about it. I went thru this exact situation when I was child, it happened twice with a girl that’s a family member. I never forgot. I questioned myself and my sexuality because of it many times in teen years.

  • Hon you need to tell somebody. That's not good for you to deal with, let alone alone. I had a family member who was molested by another family member as a child and I was the first person she told, 40 years after it happened. I saw how it affected her. Please, there are people who will help you. Get help.

  • Please see therapy. You need to tell someone

  • Polpolpolpol

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