Pedophile desires

I can't remember when they started but i have been having dreams of having s** with 5-14 yr old boys for a good 18 years now, it bothers me that this doesn't bother me like it should. If I had to guess they probably started a couple years after I was molested by a neighbor at age 8. The odd thing though is I never once felt like he was hurting me. For the first few months he carefully prepared me for s**. He repeatably told me that once it happened it'd hurt a lot the first time. He even gave me the chance to back out multiple times. I know every "expert" says a child is too young to understand s** but I did. My parents didn't think lying to me about the "Birds 'n' the Bees" was a good idea. They told me in great detail how and were babies came from when I finally asked the question all parents fear. Now 20 years later at age 28 I get extremely turned on by children; it's gotten to the point that I can't go out to public pools and the beach anymore. I used to enjoy swimming as a great way to relax after a hard day at the office. Now I'm afraid of doing something I'd regret later. I don't know if I'll ever be understood what with all these laws that would get me locked up for 20 years just for giving a kid I don't know a Sucker. I already tried to get help but every program I've looked into were only for people that got in trouble for their unnatural desires. They really need to make a prevention program for people like me who actually want to get help before they do something they regret. Anyone that shares my love for boys and wants someone who will understand to talk to is welcome to email me at buigoose at gmail.

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  • I think u are just a product of ya past don't feel guilty

  • This was reading something from my own life although with me wasn't the neighbour but my dad's good friend. Stayed with him when my parents went on holiday for 2 weeks. Same with me, at no point was I... if I could say 'forced' or mad to feel uncomfortable. I know a lot of the time we ended up nude together was actually instigated by me. No see though, was touching and caressing which led to oral s** and to this day I can honestly say that it was my best sexual experience(s) of all time. Now 29 I also fantasise about having the same with a young teen boy but no s** just the same as I experienced.

  • I can't think of any advice, but I would like to commend you for trying to get help

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