I am a sexual s***** 1/2

I'm a 33 year old man from Finland, living a more or less normal life.
I could describe myself with the following words: Intelligent, Adaptive, Cautious, Well-mannered, Introvert...
S*****.

Of course, the last one is a quality that I wouldn't mention in a casual conversation. Not that I'm ashamed of it, but I feel that it's something that is almost universally deemed as an unambiguously bad thing... Most of the world's population would probably find it very difficult to discuss about that word without getting negative feelings - maybe even ones as strong as hatred and disgust.
And I don't blame them - after all, we are talking about a perversion that indicates that I enjoy when other people suffer... I might even enjoy to be the source of that suffering.
So I don't talk about it. I have brought it up only a couple of times during my whole life.

It's about 20 years since I began to fantasize about spanking. I can't remember my exact age, but I believe I was in Junior High School when I noticed that I was entertaining thoughts about smacking the butt of one of the girls on my class.
The fantasy was so precise - that's what I wanted to do. Of course, in that age, girls began to interest me in other ways as well, but when it came to this one particular classmate, I seemed to have a special desire. I don't know... maybe I just thought that she had an especially nice butt!
Once I remember seeing a dream about the situation that so fascinated me. It was a short dream... I e********* and woke up after the first slap.

In reality, I don't think I ever touched that girl.
All and all I was a late bloomer with my s** life. I think I was a decently good looking guy, but I was also quite gloomy and I liked to keep to myself, and so experiences like that had to wait for a few years more.

It was around that time when I began to spend more time in the Internet, and the possibilities that it granted to me opened many new doors for my little perversion.
I remember when I found "Nu-West Debbie", the spanking model of a time long gone. When I looked at the pictures where she was paddled by the old lady, I couldn't believe the deep red color on her buttocks - it couldn't have been real...
But apparently it was! In my mind, I was contemplating about how much the swats of that paddle must have hurt Debbie. It fascinated me so...
I often masturbated while looking at that series of photos. Of course, Debbie's nudity in those pictures excited me too, but the main attraction was her red butt.

I also tried spanking myself. I found that I didn't enjoy pain, but it gave me pleasure to think that all those women in the pictures that I found from the web had experienced equally intense pain as I did - or actually, probably even more intense pain, as it was very difficult to generate much force when spanking oneself.
A plain electric cord worked well! I took a good, heavy electric cord, folded it from the middle and kept the ends in my hand to form a loop, and whipped my own back from under my arms and over my shoulders. For those who have not experienced it, I can tell; it hurts! And it leaves welts and bruises for several days...

Years went by.
I grew to be a more social person, I had parties and lived my life. Behind closed doors I scoured the Internet for pictures and videos about spankings and whippings, never mentioning about it to anyone.
It was maybe around that time when I identified myself as a "S*****". I also noticed that my sadism was of a very precise and limited kind!
Spanking and whipping - even very severe - aroused me greatly. But any other kind of violence or method to inflict pain didn't do the trick.
Cutting and punching, for example, evoked feelings of disgust and anger above anything else. I "liked" imaginary gun violence about as much as most young men do (movies, video games...).

So spanking and whipping (I like to keep these two concepts separated) were my thing. The recipient had to be a woman, preferably a young one. Sometimes I sought material about men being whipped, because that interested me as well, but it was the whipping of women that gave me fierce sexual pleasure.
It didn't matter much on which part of a woman's body the strikes were applied. Upper back and buttocks were a very valid choice, of course, but breast-whipping also aroused be a great deal (I am a "Breast Guy"). Thighs also did the trick.
There was a wide variety of instruments that I liked; cane, leather belt, paddle, long single-tail whip, cat-o-nine-tails, a bare palm of an open hand... They all had their place in my fantasies.
At this point I'd like to mention that my special preferations did not affect my s** life. I was perfectly capable of enjoying s** without whips. I never met a woman to whom I would have dared to suggest the realization of my fantasies... I was afraid of the reaction.

I purchased myself a plastic Cold Steel Sjambok-whip. I didn't exactly hide it, so when my friends saw it and asked about it, I explained it to be for my self-defense practices. It was a good explanation, as I was genuinely interested in martial arts and simple weapons like the Sjambok.
In reality, I was craving to try the Sjambok out on a suitable target; most desirably on the firm buttocks of some beautiful, young lady.
I tried it on my own buttocks, and I learned that it caused quite a lot of pain even though it was almost impossible to strike my own behind with any decent force.

Then I met my wife.
At a proper time, during the early stages of our relationship, I presented the idea of including spanking into our bedroom. It was about lighter, more playful form of spanking where I would smack her butt with the palm of my hand as a part of our foreplay. She seemed to like it well enough!
I bought a flogger from a local s** shop, and we tried it a couple of times... My woman didn't like it. The flogger was buried in my closet and from that point on there wasn't much spanking in our relationship.

So my wife does know about my taste for spanking - but not the real extent of my desires involving harder whipping. She doesn't know that in my fantasies the skin of my partner is decorated with prominent whip marks, sometimes accompanied with trickles of blood.

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