I raped my friend

So, I feel really, really bad about this, the remorse eats me up whenever I think about it. When I was 22 I raped a friend who was 19. We were both on friend’s house, in party, heavy drinking, and he had signaled he was willing to hook up later, my friend even gave us his king size bed for us to sleep later. Well, once we were in bed, he backtracked. He was playing hard to get. We fooled around for about 1/2 hour. Trying to convince him to suck my c***, convince him to allow me to suck his. But since he was a top he didn’t want to bottom unless I bottom first. I asked to rim his ass. Then I rubbed my c*** on his hole made some pressure, I took his quietness as consent but when I was actually penetrating he put his hand back to push me away and tried to crawl away. I was really tired of his games by this point, drunk and somewhat angry. I grabbed his neck in a jiu-jitsu choke to keep him steady I forced myself in. He winced in pain but became still as stone. When I sensed he wouldn’t resist anymore I proceeded to the humping, and man, it felt so good, so empowering. When I was finished I lay down by his side, he completely quiet, I felt guilt for the first time. Trying to remedy it I whispered in his ear that if he wanted to top me I would be willing. And time passed, I fell asleep, I woke with him over me, banging my ass forcefully. I did not offer resistance even though it was hurting, and I totally could have. I just felt I deserved it.
When I last woke up he was long gone. I tried to talk to him a few times later, but he avoids me.
So this is it. My terrible horrible guilt. I ‘be lived ten years now with it, and it eats me up whenever I think about it.

6 Comments

  • newest
  • oldest
  • most replies
  • most popular
  • I had to get forced by a friend to accept the fact that my cute little sissy boy bottom was meant for f#cking.

  • I was analy raped by an older boy who was like my bestfriend. He had gotten me to suck him but I was way too young and scared to let him f*** me. We were working on models in his basement and he got me to sniff glue that's when he did it.

  • A friend did that to me daily for months i came every time from his a*** rape. I was staying at his apartment I was homeless and jobless.

    I felt I had no choice. But I got a job and moved out, but realized I could not c** without being raped he trained my body I was his s** toy.

    I went back to him and begged for him to force me again. It's 3 years now, I live there again and am always naked he took my clothes and I'm raped 3 or 4 times a day.

    At night I have my head in his lap and have to hold his c*** in my mouth. He will suddenly grab my head and mouth f*** me and c** I swallow. I hate that I need to be abused by him.

    I hate he made me gay but now I need c*** and c** constantly.

  • That's terrible! I'm not sure if the older boy who was my friend turned me gay by forcing me to let him, or if he saw me as already gay but I didn't know it yet???

  • Have you ever been whipped. Flogged. The pain is cathartic. Sins forgiven. New start. Move on.

  • Damn... you need closure, even if its been so, maybe he doesn't want to see you but maybe, just maybe you'll both sleep a little better at night if you talk about it, say your sorry, it wont help much and you'll never be the same but its the least you can do

    -someone who you don't know

Account Login
Signup
Is this post inapropriate?
Is this comment inapropriate?
Delete this post?