I was young, and I found p***

So I was in sixth grade, I played computer games a lot. I couldn't help but search the damn computer to learn, my dad had a s*** ton of p***. I was hooked, I began downloading pirn off of limewire, and ended up downloading some f***** up pedo s***. But I watched it to see what it was because, I had no clue what Lolita meant. (White english speaking child)
Ended up seeing just about any p***, b**********, sibling, molest, gay, f****** every kinda of p*** out there. My head was off and twisted, s** was my first addiction, I and my sister and our friends would get naked and investigate one another and play stupid weird ass games, got a b******* from my sister one time, nothing was forced but still f***** up had some touchy feely with some cousins, redneck back woods acting really. Never intercorse. Committed burglary at the age of 12 for a bunch of change and some cash, was a panty sniffer h**** little kid with no clue of what i was really dealing with. Emotionally a wreck in every relationship, angry sick minded and shamless. By the time I turned 16 I lost my virginity, then bear up the chicks boyfriend because I hated him. Started using pain pills, dropped out of school and began selling and using drugs heavily, distracted from s** because i was too numb to know and to young to have realized. Robbed my family members who supported me, made everything about me. Abused my dogs for lack of patience in myself and hated a lot of people for no good reason. Told a girl who said she was pregnant, abort the baby, get rid of it, or keep it, and ill pay, but get the f*** away from me. Went to jail went to rehab went back then got stay in the Pen, everything seemed calm after that, but my mental state was stupid at best, weak and unknowing my mind was broken by a girl who I had fallen for and beat up because of a drug overdose, became a paranoid tweaker, causing all my chaos to come, paying for my sins by flesh and fear. Hung myself hated my existence and everyone else's, pushed away all that I loved, hit the women one more time, to prevent her from hitting me over and over again. A master hypocrite and a spinless p**** lost my home to inability to function due to my poor state of mind and lost the girl but she stayed with me until I finally pushed her over the edge. For accusing her so much I forced her to become resentful and caused her to cheat ot so I believe, gave up on everyone and tried to f*** my friends ex, no go, moved in with mom, got sober for a day, started shooting up again, got acused falsely of rape of my friends sister who I tried to shoot up with meth but couldn't because I was just all around a failure to the t, got back with ex after a run in with cops gave up on trying to figure out what it is im supposed to be doing and decided to stop trying to make excuses. Forced my self to be around people and kids and animals to normalize my mind and eegain a spine. Started standing up for myself and gave up the fight. Trying to get my life back together. Oh and still have addiction im coming to terms with

Jul 23, 2020

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  • Stay strong. At least you're willing to admit your mistake, but you have some kind of skill others don't, based on what I reas, believe it or not. So, keep pushing in the right direction and , most importantly, surround yourself with good strong people while being sure to be responsible for ALL of your actions, because ALL actions are a choice.

  • Yeah! It was “looking at p***” that did ALL that to you... Nothing to do with your own personality failings, right? Dude, I was molested by my adult neighbor, and eventually two of his friends! He literally sold me to a third friend of his, who was a LOT more abusive! But I understand being addicted to that pleasurable feeling, because I began abusing my female cousins, so THEY could give me that nice feeling, but when I was twelve I realized that it was wrong for my 11y/o cousin to be sucking my “d” and swallowing it! So I told her that that would be the last time, and it was! I didn’t get laid until I was 16, and that was when I began my normal relationship with s**! I’ve never Done any drugs, never stolen anything, never cheated on either of my two wives, although my first wife did cheat on me! But I didn’t feel like a victim, I moved on with my life, and met a amazing younger girl who was still in college, and she is now a doctor! So MY life started WAY worse than yours, but I got over myself, the entire time I was messing around with my female cousins, I KNEW it was wrong, and so did they... THATS why we were always so quiet, we knew it was “naughty” and didn’t want to get caught! The difference is YOU look at yourself as a victim! Everything that happened to you is SOMEONE ELSE’S FAULT! You need to grow the frick up! Take some responsibility for your life, and realize that everything you did was YOUR fault! Nobody else is to blame but you! Plenty of ppl go through MUCH worse, and come out the other end perfectly well adjusted! Grow-up!

  • Yawn

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