She won't have s** with me

I am a 32 yo M with no one to call as wife as I cannot afford one with a kind of money I make.so, I go to whores in order to satisfy myself and there is
one really really hot and beautiful girl she is just 22. I went to her and started having s** and I am highly frustrated person in my life so I started making her uncomfortable like she is no human being and ripped her left nipple and there was blood coming out. So,she got so angry and delivered 4-5 slaps right across my face.Tho, getting slapped is a turn on for me but I felt terrible for what I did. She said she will never come to me and will not let anyone else come closer to me.I guess soon I would be landing in jail for raping someone. I am feeling down and broken right now want to get some help from a therapist but I don't have money to go to and courage to share it in a room. I am a chicken heart person with a high sexual desire. so I thought to use this
platform to talk about my sin/criminal activity. I don't feel like living anymore it is just insults and embarrassment that I got from world.

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