Cheating spouse

We've been together for almost 12 years, we have a 9 year old child....and a year ago he started acting differently one day. Something was off. Checked his phone (not my proudest moment) and within seconds found exactly what I was looking for. Confronted him but the cheating continues and I am so terrified of confronting him again because I know he will deny it even though I have further proof.

..but I can't leave him because I know that I'll miss him. And I'm scared he won't realize that he was wrong and ask me to take him back. I'll end up alone. I'm 40 and not at my peak, and he has stayed with me through all these years. He has humiliated me so much in the past 2 years....cheating me left and right, literally every chance he gets, with every excuse (going to the store, going to the mall, etc). Last summer, he introduced one of his tricks to me as a new work friend and we all had dinner together. He didn't know that I knew who this person really was. And I sat there and pretended like it was normal. Genuinely not sure what is wrong with me and why I continue to stand for it, but I do, because I just feel trapped and the words won't come out of my mouth.

He manipulates my emotions all the time and I am stuck in a cycle.

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  • He is making a fool of you for one reason only - because you are letting him. Get a backbone and do something about it: leave him, confront him, have an affair of your own, give him what he wants in the bedroom, work on your own appearance, make yourself more attractive to him and to other men (competition is a great motivator). Do any/all of the above. Don’t post on the Internet for random people to solve your problems for you. Work on yourself and he won’t have a reason to cheat

  • Insulting much! You basically state, it's her fault her husband cheats!

    Congratulations on your derogatory, woman Shaming, sexist, insulting and chauvinistic comment!

    Hats off to you for seeming like you empathise, then knocking the s*** out of her with your insulting words of your so called wisdom!

    When someone cheats in general regardless of gender, they're simply cheaters!! What sort of person who supposedly love and respects their spouse, cheats then brings that person into their marital home to meet their spouse, then have dinner together?! What sort of person does that?!

  • The sort of person who knows they can get away with it, hence my opening sentence. They probably both “got off” on the deception, on the thought of getting one over on his clueless wife.
    And the poster is tolerating it for one of 2 reasons:
    1) he has conditioned her to think she can’t survive without him
    Or
    2) deep down she knows it is her fault for not meeting his needs
    I don’t know which is worse.
    But I’ll tell you this - as long as he CAN treat her like this, he WILL treat her like this.
    What man wouldn’t have his cake and eat it?!

    Her for s** and excitement, you for child rearing and domestic stability. Take a long, hard look at yourself and think about how you can meet ALL of his needs, so that he doesn’t need to look elsewhere for his thrills.

    My advice as a husband who has cheated in the past: Too many marriages end because wives get complacent: don’t constantly nag and criticise him, don’t let your figure
    go, don’t put anything or anyone above him (be it your career, home, even your child - HE has to come first, once the kids have flown the nest and you’ve both retired, he will be the one constant in your life), don’t limit him sexually - if his options are once a week, lights out in the missionary position with you, or a spontaneous bj from his mistress, it’s not exactly rocket science which he is going to choose. Ultimately, either leave him, accept his cheating, or improve yourself- those are your three options.

  • I'm happy I'm not interested in men. You all make me sick! Celebrate for life and loving it!

  • Long winded excuse. Get a grip!

  • It’s possible the dinner was because he WANTED you to find out. An affair can make a wife up her game, in order to compete with the new woman and/or realise that her husband still has s** appeal to others, and so making him more attractive in her eyes (who hasn’t had the experience of being more interested in something once they realise other people want it?!). Maybe he wants you to know he can get it elsewhere, and other women do find him attractive. Do you let him know how desirable you find him? Do what you can to make him feel secure, loved and as attractive to you as the day you married him. He needs the ego boost!

  • It works both ways in a relationship

  • Sad.

  • If you left, you said you'd miss him. But ask yourself: [a] would HE miss YOU? [b] would he even know you were gone?

  • Time to start getting some strange of your own! I say Go For It!

  • He seems to have lost all respect for you yet he stays with you. He is probably as afraid to leave you as you are to leave him.

    What you need to do is to take a bit more control in your relationship. Do this by getting yourself back in shape a bit. Diet and workout if you have to and buy some new clothes and some sexy underwear. Be more uninhibited with s**. Do new things, things you've never done before. Let him f*** you up the ass, c** in your mouth, c** on your t***, if you've never done that before.

    Make him want to f*** you more than he wants to f*** his other women.

    Once he realises that you enjoy s** and you like f****** then he'll begin to worry that you might start doing the same thing he is doing and that's how you get some control back in this relationship.

  • The relationship is doomed. Trust is lost, time for a divorce.

  • Exactly! She needs to meet his needs so that he has no reason to stray.

    When my wife learned of my affair (a few years ago), it gave her the jolt she needed to up her game. She lost weight, started wearing makeup again, started taking better care of the house and kids, and - most importantly- started meeting my every need in the bedroom. When I feel standards are dropping I will start flirting with other women in front of her, talking about exes, spending more time away from home - basically anything to make her feel scared I’m straying again. She soon bucks up her ideas, and improves her attitude and behaviour. A***, blow jobs, all the s** I could want, as rough as I want - she knows if she doesn’t provide it then I am more than willing to get it elsewhere.

    Sweetie, your husband is trying to send you a very clear message: you are no longer meeting his needs. Take a look at yourself and work on your flaws, start treating him better, have a long think about your attitude towards him - are you ungrateful, do you nag him incessantly, are you critical, etc - , think about your behaviour in the marital bed - if you are only giving him a weekly session in the missionary position, then there’s little wonder he’s looked elsewhere for what he wants. Reflect on your own shortcomings and try harder to be who he wants you to be. Good luck!

  • That is some sound advice! Do it!

  • I disagree

  • How do you both know she is out of shape or her s ex life sux? He is probably staying because the "it's cheaper to keep her" rules of divorce.
    Divorce is hard, costly and hurtful for the children. Idiots have killed instead of divorce. Also she maybe the breadwinner in the marriage! To the OP If you look into your heart you will know what you should do. You probably already know.

  • As the saying goes, You are too old to put up with that and too young not to do anything about it.
    He does not love you, thats seems to be the fact!
    For someone to love another, they have to love that person more than they love themselves. If he loved you more than himself he would put you first, treat you right and most of all not cheat on you.

    You are 40 years young and you haven't reached your peak.
    If you want to give him a chance then confront him completely and see what his reaction is.
    If he does love you he will apologize for cheating and mistreating you. He will realize that he has to earn your love and trust again.
    If he plays games and denies what he has done. Collect all your evidence of his affairs and go to a good divorce lawyer.

    You have plenty of time to start your life over and there will be plenty of good men that will love you and treat you with respect. Don't play the victim, rather hold you head up high and realize that he lost out on a good thing.
    Good luck.

  • On your post you’ve already written down what is wrong and you are understandably emotionally conflicted. Take a piece of paper, for clarity write down what your future will look like 1-5 years from now and also 10 years from now if you stay, consider all the emotional pain. Now also do the same for if you leave, this requires some vision on what an alternate future may look like, this is not easy especially with a battered self-esteem but try.
    After this ask yourself where you want to be in 5-10 years. Emotional attachments you have may be based on history and perception vs current reality. Better take to take the red pill and if you need to get some counseling to help work through it.
    Do you want to continue to be treated like crap and then dumped like trash? Lies and deception that is no marriage!

  • If your okay with being cheated on , which what sounds like to me , than why are you complaining about it ???? S*** next time make it have a threesome with his new b**** and get your own man purposely introduce him to him as your side piece cause clearly he wants an open relationship 🤣. And if doesn't like that then be like oh I'm sorry I'm confused I thought that is what we were doing now .

  • Honey, you have two choices if you ask me.

    1) leave his ass

    2) next time he pulls that crap and brings the tramp home. Tell him you want a three way. Then you go down on her and make it a lick fest. I guarantee she will return the pleasure. Then ask her which she prefers while she is licking you. My p**** or my husbands little p****.

    Or better yet find a young man and have your hubby walk in on you two doing the nasty

  • Time to get you some BBC.

  • Two wrongs don't make a right. Stuff like that can end up in murder.

  • I love the idea of having him "catch" you in flagrante with a younger man who knows how to please a real woman! Let him actually see you leaking another man's c** from every hole.

  • Sucks that you feel that way, but if you're choosing to stay, i say when in rome, do as romans do. By that i mean since he has side pieces, go get you some side D. It will help you feel a lot better.

  • I'm so very sorry that you're in this horrid relationship, but am sick to my stomach that you feel so lost --- and trapped --- in it that you cannot get out of it. I'm not going to tell you what to do about all that, although others (even less intuitive and practised than I) soon will do so. What I will do is say that you must seek the help of a counsellir, whether or not you decide to leave. Let him or her listen to you and guide you on a safer emotional path than you are on now. You need someone on your side. . . .
    .. . . immediately, and for the long-haul, not necessarily to preserve the relationship, but to preserve your emotional health and self-image. Please don't try to do it on your own.
    God bless you and your precious child.

  • You have to change yourself. If His behavior towards You hasn't changed and He still continues his ways, its time to prepare for your future. Don't get trapped by being miserable in your marriage. If he's NOT your best friend and faithful husband, the what the H*** are you doing with him? If you think he'll change and you can forgive him because he means everything to you, then maybe you both can work on your marriage together. Ya know its almost 2021! You're 40yrs old, you're not that old. I guess having self doubts and possibly blaming yourself for his conduct has had its toll on you, but come'on. Make some changes yourself. Forget Him in his world of deception. He's having his cake so to speak of, and You...are witnessing the pending train wreck! Make some changes yourself. Don't ask him, go ahead and make yourself better. Change your style, your attitude, your outlook, possibly the way people look at you, your appearance etc. If you work, that's a start, having your job and related friends allows you some interaction, plus You have you're own money. Take care of You! Join as a volunteer, donate your time and energy. Life's to short. I wish you happiness, but you have to decide. Good Luck!

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