I was pretending to be a s*** to rush.
I rushed and pledged at my boyfriend Mark's request. He wanted me in this sorority so badly that he found someone to help me with the process. Mark also gave me a 'hall pass' - just in case (to be used only if needed). I didn't think I would do anything of that sort, but he made it clear that this was that important to him.
Unfortunately (for both of us) this year's process was different from the last few year's and I fell behind early. In order stay in the running to secure a spot, I pretty much had to use the hall pass. I told Mark - and he was actually encouraging! However, I don't think either of us expected I would have to use it to such a great extent.
I didn't get much sleep last night. I'm tired and a little stressed about all of this. I'm in, I told Mark last night - he's happy I'm in, but he won't be back until next month so we can't really celebrate together. Personally, I don't feel too excited. Certainly not as much as my new "sisters". What I am not unsure of is how much I enjoyed the process of getting in.
I don't want to get rid of this part of me. I faked it all to help me get in - and I know it was supposed to be temporary - but I love all of it. The piercings, the clothes, the tattoos, the hair, the excitement... I really like who I was the last few months. I love the s**, the attitude, the attention, and the s**. Yeah, its so good I have say twice. I finally experienced good s**!
I was never so into s** before, but now that I've tired a lot of things I had never expected to - I have changed my mind. I had only heard about stuff like this, and I thought it only happened in p***! For example, I always thought people lied about liking giving oral s**. I only gave b******* on birthdays... but now I've sucked more d*** than times I've been to class. I've even had s** more than once in a day! - well with more than one guy in a day - well, technically - more than one guy at once as well.
I don't think I can go back now. Maybe I can pretend I was tricked into it? But as of today, I'm definitely a s*** by the standards I held last year. And maybe I'm stupid for doing all of this. But I f****** love it.
I'm sorry, baby - I know you read this stuff even though you lie about it. You said no questions asked, sweetheart. Thank you for everything.