just tried strangling myself. It's been awhile -- been a while since I've been so suicidal. I'm always morose but f***. I just hate myself more and more minute by minute. I think I have to talents and I'm going to fail college. I going to be a huge disappointment to everyone. I'm so lonely. I wish I could just talk to someone & they'd give me the time of day. I don't feel like pestering my friends I know that something that they should be there for but I'd just feel like I was being (well I don't know ??) that thought was lost. that happens too much. I only really have one interest and I suck at the core elements of it. So I think I should just not go to college or just go for basic studies. I'm falling be hind in everything. I can't think straight I can't sleep. I can only get a good rest when I'm wasted. but I cannot allow myself to drink on week days too often. I need (want) a cigarette, but my parents hate the fact I smoke (but don't care I drink???whatthefuck)... I'm so stressed. I cannot believe in a higher power until I can believe in myself why is that so hard for people to understand, that my key should be find faith in ones self not praising something that may or maynot be real. I'm ranting now. I hate myself. I'm too much of a b**** to not smash my head hard enough, get out a gun, finish choking/strangling myself, etc. I'm having a meltdown on the daily. I need to lose weight, I have a horrible body nothing fits. I am a waste of life. I should be ashes.

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  • Its not worth it. Find jesus, things will change. I love you. By the way, the time of day is 7:18pm.

  • DO NOT LISTEN TO THE MORON ABOVE THIS COMMENT!!!! DEATH IS NEVER THE ANSWER.. EVER!!! All you need to do is breath, take the time to relax. Try working out, it will release stress and make your body healthy all over again,,. even meditating will help. After all of that when your feel an actual goodness about yourself somewhere deep inside... then think about the positives in life. Slowly, youll be happy... but it will be in a matter of time sooo please be patient and just do what i said. It helped me and my family. I love my life today more than i ever did. I dont live a perfect life. Just got my heart broke for the first time last night, but i am still thankful for everything in my life.

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