I love gay s** but don't find men attractive. Am I gay?
When I was 19 stumbling back from a rugby party. I got to my door room and passed out naked in my bed (I always sleep naked when I'm hammered). I woke up to this 18yo freshman Brian trying to work his hard c*** into my ass. Brian is skinny, feminine, very nice kid who lived 2 doors down. He's 6inch shorter and 50Lb lighter. I could have easily kicked him out but I didn't. I don't remember how it ended either I passed out or I was too drunk.
The next morning I woke up sore and my ass was dripping with either c**, lube or both. I had this cloudy memory about how good it felt. I struggled with this for the next week because I'm not gay and I don't find guys attractive at all but I wanted to have that feeling again. Finally I asked Brian if I could talk with him alone, he was hesitant because he thought I was going to kick his ass. He did agree and lead me to his room. I told him exactly how I felt and I want to try again sober. He was more than happy to oblige. We both got naked and brain over lube me. This time there was pain but the pleasure was unbelievable. I actually e******** after about 20 minutes. He finished about the same time and left me there shaking. I had no idea how great the prostate is.
After that it became a regular thing. Sometimes twice a day but never longer than a couple of days without. Most of the time it's just a quickie between classes, at night he does like to take his time. We have a code if we're around other people. He'll asks me how my calculus is going. This means get to his dorm room and prepare to get f*****. Brain is a popular math tutor so not even my rugby buddies suspect anything.
Only two people know about our relationship, my girlfriend and Brain's mom. My girlfriend doesn't know the full extent. I kept asking if I could watch her with another girl. Predictably she said after she watches me with another guy. I acted hesitantly. Then me and Brain pretended like it was our first time. I screamed like I was in pain when I was use to in by then. She loved it and even too a few videos on her phone. A few weeks later we had a 3sum where Brain f***** me while I f***** my gf. It was amazing. She thinks the only time I'm with Brain is when she is there and its for her benefit. Brian's mom found out after Covid started and we where sent home from college. We where sneaking around a lot. Most of the time he would sneak me into he's room or the pool house. Sometimes we would go to a field in my truck. He's mom one day confronted me and said she knew everything and there was no need to sneak around. She just wanted me to give Brian's dad plausible deniability and not be to obvious.
After all I've been through I still don't find men attractive, I don't want to make out or cuddle with a guy. Most gay guys and the gay culture I find annoying. I just love the huge o***** from getting f***** in the ass. I really don't feel gay or bisexual. What does this make me and what should I do?