I love gay s** but don't find men attractive. Am I gay?

When I was 19 stumbling back from a rugby party. I got to my door room and passed out naked in my bed (I always sleep naked when I'm hammered). I woke up to this 18yo freshman Brian trying to work his hard c*** into my ass. Brian is skinny, feminine, very nice kid who lived 2 doors down. He's 6inch shorter and 50Lb lighter. I could have easily kicked him out but I didn't. I don't remember how it ended either I passed out or I was too drunk.

The next morning I woke up sore and my ass was dripping with either c**, lube or both. I had this cloudy memory about how good it felt. I struggled with this for the next week because I'm not gay and I don't find guys attractive at all but I wanted to have that feeling again. Finally I asked Brian if I could talk with him alone, he was hesitant because he thought I was going to kick his ass. He did agree and lead me to his room. I told him exactly how I felt and I want to try again sober. He was more than happy to oblige. We both got naked and brain over lube me. This time there was pain but the pleasure was unbelievable. I actually e******** after about 20 minutes. He finished about the same time and left me there shaking. I had no idea how great the prostate is.

After that it became a regular thing. Sometimes twice a day but never longer than a couple of days without. Most of the time it's just a quickie between classes, at night he does like to take his time. We have a code if we're around other people. He'll asks me how my calculus is going. This means get to his dorm room and prepare to get f*****. Brain is a popular math tutor so not even my rugby buddies suspect anything.

Only two people know about our relationship, my girlfriend and Brain's mom. My girlfriend doesn't know the full extent. I kept asking if I could watch her with another girl. Predictably she said after she watches me with another guy. I acted hesitantly. Then me and Brain pretended like it was our first time. I screamed like I was in pain when I was use to in by then. She loved it and even too a few videos on her phone. A few weeks later we had a 3sum where Brain f***** me while I f***** my gf. It was amazing. She thinks the only time I'm with Brain is when she is there and its for her benefit. Brian's mom found out after Covid started and we where sent home from college. We where sneaking around a lot. Most of the time he would sneak me into he's room or the pool house. Sometimes we would go to a field in my truck. He's mom one day confronted me and said she knew everything and there was no need to sneak around. She just wanted me to give Brian's dad plausible deniability and not be to obvious.

After all I've been through I still don't find men attractive, I don't want to make out or cuddle with a guy. Most gay guys and the gay culture I find annoying. I just love the huge o***** from getting f***** in the ass. I really don't feel gay or bisexual. What does this make me and what should I do?

Jan 5

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  • OK, bit late to the party but felt this was missing an actual useful answer.
    Gay, bi, straight etc. All all social constructs to a certain extent and very few people fit the simple definitions. One thing these definitions don't do is separate s** from love. You enjoy s** with a man, there is a good physical reason for that. If you could remove all the prejudices from them then nearly every man would also enjoy it. It's just s**. Think of it more like a fetish than a defining part of who you are. Everyone has fetishes so mild, some bizarre. If you have found a form of s** you particularly enjoy then that's what it is.

    Also "Gay culture" really represents a small minority of gay people. Most you wouldn't know without talking to them. Being Camp is not compulsory.

    Not being attracted to guys beyond s** is quite normal. It may change, as it may be that is more due to the social conditioning that has given you your self identity. I may not change because you genuinely aren't interested in men beyond s**. Ultimately it doesn't matter. Enjoy yourself, forget about the labels, they don't describe things in reality. Have s** with whoever you want (with consent). But don't deny yourself, make sure you're up front with an future female partners so you can work out what works for both of you. Just don't end up in a straight relationship where you either end up miserable or cheating because you can't satisfy your needs. Also wrap up and stay safe.

  • I've been getting boy's bones up my but since I was way littler and one of the boy's mother knows and even washes my underpants if they get messy from her son's stuff dripping in um.

  • That sounds like Brian assaulted you-

  • Your bisexual to a certain degree, there is nothing wrong with that my wife has watched me with a male fwb's she actually gets turned on when I'm giving head to him

  • Watch some popeye cartoons

  • Yes you are bisexual, you should find out about LGBT community, for you are in fact included. I suggest therapy as well, there needs to be a talk about boundaries.

  • Wow...ummm....you couldn't have asked your girlfriend to peg you? Because you want a real d*** it does sound like you are at least bi with a strong hetero leaning. Just get over the labels and you should be fine.

  • We have but it's not nearly as good. I wish it was but I've never c*mmed when she pegs me.

  • Do you mean BRIAN you illiterate s*** s****** ?

  • Sorry autocorrect

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