I just hate how life goes 180 in a snap. i try my best to feel better, to do better yet i keep on drowning in my problems. i certainly dont have a family that i can vent to and i dont want to disturb my friends. it just gets too heavy at times. i wanna cry but i dont want to be exposed to people. i dont know why i wanna keep this strong/ okay/ fine facade when all i wanted is to crash down. my life's going downhill rnow. i hate it. i hate how things turned out for me. i just wanna breathe rnow but i always feel suffocated, i cant escape those hands that keep on choking me. it also sucks that i want to face a psychologist about the things i feel cause i dont wanna self diagnose, i think i need to see one and 'fix' myself. i hate myself too much? yet i cant, am too poor. and i dont see that what i feel is severe enough. idk, sometimes i wish it was worse. i am so f***** in the head.