I f***** up

I have no work and its my fault. I like disappeared for a month. I don't know if it's depression or what. I lied and told my boss I was treated for anxiety/depression and an eating disorder. Still no work. It's not the first time I disappeared either but she may have had it with me and its my fault. It's my fault. Part of me wonders if this is the way it was supposed to be anyway because I just wasn't happy- but I just seem at a low point. And I'm sick of being here. My future is uncertain and I really am not scared or upset about it. I know the people around me will start b******* soon enough. IT's just that the pendulum always swings. I'm down now, but things will pick up- it's just a matter of when and people aren't as patient as I am. Or faithful. They like to panic- but I don't have it in me to do that any more. I just wish it would pick up now too- only because I want my options back. I need income- which I will have- and a car. I feel like looking up at the sky and saying 'if we're going to do this, let's do this'. But everything happens in it's own time. ~sigh~

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