Useless, pathetic sack of s***

I j looked at my pictures from the past and I’ve never felt so sad ever
I’m gonna look at those photos again but my parents won’t be there to look at them with me
i can’t believe how much of a failure I’ve become to them
they’ve sacrificed so much for me
they’ve restarted their life so many times for me
they risked their physical health for me
they betted everything for me
looking back to young 3rd grade me
that was my prime days
i was smart, pretentious, grew up well, had a nice childhood, and everything nice
until 4th grade rolled when i started to have attitude
where my mother wasn’t proud of my achievements anymore
where all of the people are now looking down on me
my mom since 9th grade has never been happy every school semester ends
nor is my father
looking back at those pictures make me feel like ‘damn. my father was happy, i took it away from him’
i was so smart a girl with all a's i was actually gifted and i believe
i could’ve done so many great things
but now im going to be a rising junior having no idea who i want to be and with a 2.0 gpa.
what in the f*** happened to me
im a useless sack of s***
everyone is moving up in life
and ive been masking my status for two years
i can’t hold it for any longer
how the f*** did i get here
i wanted a idgaf personality but idgaf act ANYTHING including the sacrifices my parents made for me nor my grades nor my bad habits spreading
my goal at this point
is to let my parents know that i am in a very stable life where money is abundant for me and i have a lavish life so they don’t need to worry about me and live longer and break their backs just for me, i want them to rest easy when they’re gone. i refuse to have them think they’re leaving me where i am homeless and they have to live longer just for me to get up on my feet again.
mom, dad, please, i have this under control i love you dearly.
please do not worry i will make you so proud by the time you are gone.
god looking at videos from a long time ago really hit me. and all of the happy times we had where we didn’t need to worry about me not getting into college.
j making cupcakes, having fun, stable grades, going to aquariums, having fun at the beach without guilt what so ever.

Jun 8

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  • Just find what you love and do it. I did the whole school thing and then realized I love to build with my hands and became a carpenter. I spent time learning and working for a company and now am a contractor with ability to set my schedule and enjoy the perks. School isn’t always the answer, find something that you enjoy and it will never feel like work

  • You're very young and have a lot of time. I didn't even try in high school or even my first two years of college. Basically, I was an idiot. The lightbulb clicked on academically 2nd semester of college, and I graduated with close to a 3.0. Had successful career as a business owner and this is just one example that your life is very much ahead of you. Good luck-you can do it!

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