L****** after the Guy my Housemate likes
So when I first saw you I knew I liked you - we clicked instantly and we had much more in common than you had with my housemate. When a group of us was in the room together you always singled me out with your jokes and comments, you made an effort to make me laugh. I know that nothing happened between you and my housemate the night you shared a bed, but I could hear the two of you chuckling from through the wall, and my stomach was a knot of jealousy.
The two of you fell out afew weeks ago, not long after I saw you for the second time, when you came through to visit for my party. On that night when we were all out in town I felt a conection with you like I haven't felt with anyone for a long time I was constantly aware of where you were in the room, and when you sat next to me and we talked my whole body tingled with anticipation.
Now you and her don't speak, but you and I have exchanged numbers and talked almost every day since then. We share a lot of things, most importantly the fact that we are both bi-polar, and are able to talk to each other about this.
My housemate doesn't know thatwe talk, and if she did we would no longer be friends :( To make matters worse I am engaged to be married, and whilst I love my fiance I don't know if I am pasionately IN LOVE with him.
The whole situation is amess. What makes it worse is I am jealous and resentful of my housemate ever talking to you, I worry that things will return to how they were between the two of you and that you will become a couple.
WE've talked about meeting up after Christmas, and whilst I realy hope it will happen, part of me is concerned (and the instinctive part of me KNOWS) that once we do meetup on our own and spend a weekend tgether, that I won't want to let you go, and that I will fall in love with you. I'm not sure I could handle that, but I NEED to know if there could be something amazing between us.
I'm lying to everyone I love (maybe not lying but concealing) in the hope that what I felt for you has some meaning and purpose. I feel so wrong, and I don't know if I am reading too much into everything.