This is the first time im really admitting this but relationships are f****** EXHAUSTING man! This is the first time in my life I have no one to love but friends and family and i dont have to shave my pubbbeeesss or respond to texxxtttsss or spend my mmooonneeeyyy or hear the BLAH BLAH BLAH. Like... [more]
(I saw a post like this that was quite disappointing because it was serious while expected to be funny. So now I'll try! And presumably fail.)
1.) People who actually toast their Pop-Tarts.
2.) The kids who would walk down hallways in school and just turn the dial in EVERY SINGLE ONE.
3.) Marshmallow thiefs. You know those people who take... [more]
I've literally just let out a fart that lasted 10seconds plus👍 I just kept on pushing even tho I knew it may be risky and it kept on coming 😁 Sadly I was alone in this moment of joy.
The funny thing is this...before I listened to classical music I was and still am a fan of Type O Negative it's true.
That I lick peoples food in the fridges at work.
Mainly the females.
I rub the tip of my s****** with my fingers then handle their drinks bottles.
And once I went in the toilet after Claire had been in there,I was waiting outside and I heard the tampon bin shut before she flushed and washed... [more]
I broke my boyfriend's nose by smashing my "face" into his to try and kiss him. I have a prosthetic mask made from plaster, that I'm meant to wear in public, but I just were it all the time I don't even take it off toe eat or drink, I just lift it and shove the food under and into my mouth. Because of all the lovey-dovey endorphins rushing through... [more]
I was looking at my comments and I noticed that they have been reported. It's not a total mystery because I think I know who would've had my comments reported. Because when I noticed that there was the report icon closer to where it says reply. I know why somebody would've reported my comments. It's because somebody may have been angry about me... [more]
I wonder why you'll let through confession after confession about panties and killing animals for fun and people claiming they're shtupping their sisters or moms, but you won't let genuine posts see the light of day. Are you frightened of people who actually have something real to say? I think you are. Bet you post this one just to be contrary--... [more]
And it ain't f****** Goldie Locks. I work at a machine shop and I work nights. So I make a big zip lock bag of sandwiches to eat over several days and keep them in our lunchroom fridge. This past week I went to market and got expensive honey ham, and New York style deli cheese with a wonderful... [more]
I like f****** with people at my job, I walk around and poke holes in things with a thumbtack, sometimes I move the paperwork around and it makes people fustrated, I steal all the pens then sell them there’s a girl at my job she hates me and she’s said she’s gonna get her father to kill me,
I should begin by saying our dad is really good at sleight of hand magic tricks and stuff like that. That's how he was able to pull this off.
Yesterday, my sister and I were having fun racing each other from one side of our rather large backyard to the other. We were catching our breath between races when our dad said something and made us... [more]
I used to go up to random kids in my school and tell them that John was looking for them. Everyone knows someone named John, and they always fell for it.
My girlfriend and I got drunk with my buddy one evening as the night went on she asked me if she could kiss him which eventually led to him rubbing her t*** then fingering her p**** which then led to all 3 of us going to the bedroom where i watched my... [more]
Back during summer break, I [F/15] went away with a friend [F/15] and her family to their weekend home. It's out by this beautiful lake in this small, middle-of-nowhere type town.
We arrived on a Friday around noon. The first few hours were uneventful. Me, her, and her little brother fished for awhile before heading inside. Then her brother... [more]
I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything is alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all of these lights
Sunny days, where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun... [more]
When I was about 13 I cut all my pubes off with a pair of school scissors and sprinkled them all over the toilet seats at school just to watch everyone's disgust and dismay LOL it was funny, everyone was going nuts and speculating who done it but no one ever thought I'd do something like that...and that was the whole point LOL
On New years my SIL stayed at our place and had crashed on the couch, She is late 20's and has an average body but huge b******, They are big and soft with big nipples, I got up and found her on the couch in a muscle shirt and one of her huge b****... [more]
Pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows JOHNNN CENNNAAAAAAAAAAA
I want to pound a soda then lay flat on my back and have a woman step on my stomach to have the loudest burp
I've always had a thing for women wearing pantyhose, especially the family of browns and tans. Growing up in the eighties most women wore them all the time especially to work and church. Well one day when I was around 5 years old, this lady from our church came over to visit with my mom. She was probably in her forties and a little chunky but not... [more]
And I live in a hole
WASHINGTON, Mo. (AP) — Police say an eastern Missouri man told officers he has an "underwear fetish" and admitted to sneaking into a home to try to steal a pair.
The St. Louis Post- Dispatch reports that 34-year-old Cody Hassler, of Washington, Missouri, was charged Wednesday with first-degree burglary, first-degree stalking and stealing. No... [more]
Put a ballon in my mouth and have a girl step off and on my stomach until I blow a decent size ballon hahah
She is... FIERCELY intelligent... with the emphasis on the FIERCE.-
One day i want to take a bunch of gas x lay on the ground and have a pretty girl randomly walk,step,stand,or jump on my stomach wile I'm blindfolded