Hotwifing troubles

My wife and I have been involved in hotwifing for the last five months. For me, it's been an unmitigated disaster, especially the holidays. For her, it's been perpetual spring break. I thought that allowing her to see other men -- while I kept myself for her -- would make her feel more happy and complete, and that it would enegerize our s** life at home. And that she'd go out occasionally at night, but then always come home to me and our child after she'd finished with whoever she was with. The hotwifing site we used said to let her find her way, and to give it awhile to even out, but things aren't getting better: she's just going out more often, and staying out longer, sometimes for several days at a time, without calling or coming home. When I express my reservations to her, all I get is: "You agreed to this because you SAID you love me, and you can't back out now after we've just started it". Have any of you had experience with hotwifing? DOES it get better? Or am I just a Class-One moron for supporting her while she lives her life like she's not married (except for the fact that she's living that life on my bank account and credit card) and not a mother?

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  • You're first mistake was supporting her financially in the relationship.... Once awhile a gift can be nice, but you will never truly know how she feels about you since you let her marry your wallet first and foremost ....

  • Her selfish answer to your concerns is all the answer you need. Unfortunately having a child makes it Much harder to get up and walk away to never see her again. A real wife that respects and loves you would pay attention and respect your concerns... " don't u love me?!" Is the BLACKMAIL statement of choice by master manipulators of the female persuasion.

  • I don't think you were being honest with her and more importantly yourself. I've been with swingers and the worst thing you can do is not be honest. Going into it you had to know you gave your approval to her to sleep with another man. Something about it had to have turned you on for you to agree to do it in the first place, right?

  • As a new swinger i think she really needs to be honest and tells you about it . You should at least tell her to tell you which person is it that way you can trust that person

  • Dude are you crazy ? I am a woman and I've seen a few of these types of hoes in my day! Ask yourself this - are you Truly happy? Is you kid truly happy? No b**** is worth this type of abuse, also do you want to contract a disease - hep-c, aids, herpes (these are for life)! RUN - RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN & Take that child with you and go find yourself a Good woman who will love your child and appreciate you!

  • I found out my wife wanted to f*** other guys the old-fashioned way - I caught her cheating. Know what I did? I KICKED HER f****** w**** a** OUT OF THE HOUSE AND PROCEEDED TO RUIN HER FINANCIALLY WITH A DIVORCE. I kept the house, and the kids, and she got her clothes and her "freedom". She is quickly turning into a lonely, desperate alcoholic crone, and I'm doing fine. The moral of my story? Be a man. Don't even entertain the notion of your wife f****** other guys. It's a one-way ticket to disaster AND it'll wreck YOUR chances of coming out even in the inevitable divorce that will follow. Don't fall for the whole "It'll make our marriage stronger!' lie. It's just an excuse that greedy c**** use to try to get extra d*** without needing to cover it up.

  • It's black guys. Not sure if she had black guys before you married her, but I can guarantee that she is probably banging close to her weight in black guys now. I wouldn't even be surprised if she comes home with a little black bun in the oven. You worthless cuckold. This is what you deserve. It's because you don't earn enough and your d*** is too short to satisfy her.

  • I agree with previous comments, 1.You have become more of a cuck than a hotwifer 2.There should have been ground rules 3.Will she be willing to reconsider ammendments to previous discussion? 4. If not, is she still concerned about you? I would suggest setting ground rules or break up.

  • Let me get this right mate. You have a child together, and you let her f*** around with other dude while you take care of the kid, and pay for it? (if you will take it) My advice to you is: Face her, then turn 180 degrees and start running away. Take the child with you too. She clearly has no interest in your personality, your c***, your child or anything else you have except money. She's not even willing to do the bare minimum to try to fool you into thinking this is a real relationship.

  • I feel bad for beating up on you for posting this, but let's recap. You are a man, and have millions of sperm. She is a woman and has one biological egg. You are sitting at home watching the children while she is out having s** with other men on your dime. Here are my closing thoughts. Just admit your bisexual and have a 3sum and both play with the guy or be a f****** man and lay down the law. With love, the type of guy out f****** your wife.

  • Unfortunately, the only thing I can take issue with among your observations is the bisexual thing: I have no interest in getting with another guy, under any circumstances. I honestly could not do that, even if she made it a condition of her returning to the marriage and parenting in a more engaged way. The rest of it, I'm afraid, may be right on the nose. The law needs to be laid down, and I've tried that more than once, but it only works for very short periods, and then she comes into heat again and is gone again, looking for cocks. If she were involved with just one guy (or two or three) it would be different, and better, but she's fucking almost anything that moves, and there is no telling whether or not she ever uses protection: I guess I should be grateful that she hasn't turned up pregnant (yet). I think it's probably also true that you would love to hook up with her, and would gladly do it (she is really incredible in bed: fuck of the century stuff). And it's probably also true that you would at least have the honor to tell me you were doing her, because I know she wouldn't tell me, especially if she knew that you and I knew one another. All of this would be easier if I didn't love her completely. Unfortunately, though, I do love her completely. And so would you, if you ever did hook up with her.

  • Don't know when you originally posted (or why they don't show dates) but I'd be interested to hear an update. It seems that she has gone from hotwifing to simply cheating. An integral part of this kind of relationship is trust and communication between the partners. Working on a deeper emotional connection, not just the fleeting sexual thrill, which it sounds like you got in the beginning. If she isn't willing to listen to how you feel and work with you on it, your trouble is more than hotwifing, it is between the two of you personally.

  • It will very soon be a year since we started the program. It was fine at first, exciting really, but that didn't last long. It's now worse than ever, and I'm in the process of divorcing her, though nothing's final yet: I keep hoping she'll come to her senses and realize that nobody else will give her this freedom, much less keep paying her bills. She moved all her things out one day in August while I was at work, without saying a word, and a week later I turned off the credit card and closed the bank account, and she called screaming. When the screaming didn't work, she "moved" home and pretended to be a wife and mom ........ for a grand total of 96 hours, and then was off again as soon as she had access to money. A week later I told her it was over, and told her I was filing divorce papers. All she said was "You don't have the balls", and "You'll never find somebody my age to marry you", and "Fuck you". I guess some husbands have good experiences with hotwifing, but I'm not one of them.

  • She totally is not a good wife . people who do hot wifing both already agreed on terms . She just went the limit and tried to used you for your money for her own sexual lives.

  • You are supposed to have her f**k a few different people in front of you and make it solely about s** first off ...not give her a ticket to party and dodge her responsibilities. Rules.Rules.Rules this should be about You and Her becoming closer! Get her to stop the bs or you are going to loose her one way or another.

  • I think this has gone way to far she is a nymf who according what i read has cannot be satisfied by one cock. the hot-wife lifestyle should benefit both your sex life whereas a third party the "bull" should have the function of living dildo to pleasure you and your wife.When you are done with the "bull" it should't cross her mind until the next time you enjoy each other again. when you use a dildo during sex thereafter you forget you even have that toy in the bedroom! this should be the same way with the "bull".

  • Fom the O.P.: That was the original deal, yes, and she went with a few different guys while we were out together at different times, kissing and making out with them on the dance floor, or giving handjobs in a booth at a restaurant, going down on them in the backseat of their cars in the parking lots, or slinking off to the ladies room with one of them for a quick fuck, and it was all thrilling. Really thrilling. But then with the fifth guy she met and connected with, while it began similarly, she soon started leaving the bar with him right after we'd get there, and then would just meet him alone. It was still kind of a charge even then, because she'd tell me what was happening, but that stopped. She met him for a weekend romp at his place, and then would date him without telling me about it. This was all a rather rapid evolution, and soon she was just going out alone on the prowl looking for men wherever she could find them. I didn't go into all the detail originally, and even this is much shorter than it was and excludes facts, but it gives you an idea of how it happened and where we are. Things are about the same since I first posted this, and I've tried and threatened several times to reinstitute the rules, but she's refused to comply: she's having too much fun and getting too much cock to stop. So far, only maybe three of our friends know what she's doing, but it's only a matter of time before everybody knows what's up. I dread that day.

  • Ses a tramp you need to dump her nasty ass and go find a nice lady someone who can be a wife and a mother your ignoring the damage this bitch is doing to your kids you just need to man up and end this shit

  • she sounds like a selfish t***. She doesn't deserve you. You should leave her... also make sure u use a glove. btw, care to post her number?

  • It seems you have gone from hotwifing to being a bit of a cuck. Hotwifing is supposed to still be about equality in love although she would get to see other people. It is supposed to maintain or hopefully even increase respect in each other. To let things continue as they are then you are showing you have no respect for you so why should she. I feel for you I really do but the advice to let things continue and calm down would work if you were both the same age. There is 10 years of a gap between my partner and I and if with that gap our relationship went down your path than I feel my only option would be to bring it back asap. How you do that, I wish I could help but as I said if you show no self respect then she will lose any she had in you and show you none either. Good luck.

  • You did not mention your age. Anyways, I thing that she will get tired of this type of life - but after a while. The 'while' depends on her age. Till she calms down you should not mind that how and what she does or doesn't.

  • From the O.P.: Yes, I've been told by a friend that the age thing is an issue. I'm 42, and she's 27. The difference in our ages was NEVER a problem when we met or began dating, socially or sexually, and our sex life was always extremely active (above average). But it's certainly possible that she still had some wild oats to sow, and is using this opportunity to sow them. To the best of my knowledge, most of the guys she's seeing now are not only younger than me, they're younger than her as well, though two that I know of are in their mid-40s: so, I guess she's not discriminating. I agree with you about maintaining some calm, and I've really tried, but the trajectory of this thing -- with her increasing her outside activity, in terms of frequency and duration -- isn't very hopeful. Do think she'll reach some level of satiation and then bring it back down? Thanks for your comment.

  • Whoops....you forgot to set some ground rules....tell her, it's ground rules, or you will start f****** around too.

  • From the O.P.: It's true: the ground rules could very well have made some difference. We talked about establishing some, between ourselves and with the hotwifing site rep, and I said (perhaps foolishly) that I trusted her completely and wanted for her whatever she wanted for her. She's not interested now in changing the rules of engagement, and I', not interested in anyone else. I honestly don't want this to come to divorce, because -- as unlikely as it sounds -- I truly do love my wife, but my dilemma is trying to navigate between supporting her choices and avoiding making myself her doormat. Thanks for the input.

  • From the O.P.: It's true: the ground rules could very well have made some difference. We talked about establishing some, between ourselves and with the hotwifing site rep, and I said (perhaps foolishly) that I trusted her completely and wanted for her whatever she wanted for her. She's not interested now in changing the rules of engagement, and I', not interested in anyone else. I honestly don't want this to come to divorce, because -- as unlikely as it sounds -- I truly do love my wife, but my dilemma is trying to navigate between supporting her choices and avoiding making myself her doormat. Thanks for the input.

  • This isn't a "hotwifing" problem...It's a problem with the relationship as it existed prior to hotwifing. My wife fucks both men and women with me and without me there. We (as use the term we on purpose), moved very slowly, having an open dialogue along the way of what we each liked, didn't like, and wanted from the situation. None of us here can know exactly what transpired between you and your wife leading up to this making the choices you both made, but is appears that perhaps there was a different agenda for each of you in getting into this lifestyle and they don't match up with each other. Good luck with wherever your life leads you.

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