I have developed an unhealthy fetish. I like to have s** with people in their sleep. It started out because I was aroused by touching my partner's body while he slept, and I would m********* behind him in bed... but I got bolder until I was literally penetrating him while he slept. He is a deep sleeper and I practiced until I could get it all the way in without waking him up, and even work up to doing it pretty hard/fast.
Before I ever did it the first time, I did tell him that I was aroused by his snoring and his sleeping body, and I told him that I masturbated while he slept. He told me to try waking him up just before I finished, so I did, and then he suggested that I try "sticking it in" next time. I asked him if it was really okay with him. So it was consensual.
So I started doing it, and he would wake up in the middle of it and we would both enjoy it, or sometimes I would not wake him up because I liked listening to his snores and keeping my own pace (he likes fast and hard when he wakes up... but I like slow and gentle).
Anyway, shortly after I started doing this, he started noticing that sometimes he would have pains in the morning and sometimes I would wake him up when he would rather be sleeping. He started to feel abused and said he didn't want me to do it anymore.
But now it is the most exciting and pleasurable sexual experience for me... I have mostly stopped, but we have s** a lot less often these days (like a couple times a month, because he just doesn't ever feel like it), and sometimes when I am lying behind him, half-awake and aroused, it is really hard to hold back.
I often say I am just going to m********* while listening to or watching him sleep, but then I usually will get carried away... but then stop myself in the middle and feel guilty and ashamed. But he's so sexy, and snoring and sleeping is so hot for me now... And when I'm tired in bed I don't have nearly as much self-discipline. Since he told me to stop, I've never woken him up and he's never complained about pain or hinted that he knows I still do it now and then... so sometimes I wonder if he can even tell at all. But even if he can't, I don't want to do something he's not consenting to. But then logic tells me that if he never knows, there is no real harm done. But then I also think that that's just me making excuses because I like it so much.
I just wish there was a way to get such an exciting sexual experience with his consent. He doesn't like to do any of the things that I like when we are awake, and if he does, he only likes to do them like once every 3 or 4 months because he says I will not like it anymore if he does it too often. So in other words, I am not being sexually satisfied. But I'm still very much in love. And I've developed a great desire for something I can't really have anymore.