My Unknown Secret

That I have crazy wild seductive, fantastic, sexual dreams and day dreams. The problem, I am not as my parents think I am. Don't get me wrong, I am still a good girl. My nick-name was Goody-Goody in high school. With a Pastor of a Father and Minister as a Mother, I am not your stereo-typical buckwild pastor's kid. I don't drink, fornicate, do anything "bad". But, my parents don't know everything about me.
They don't know that I used to get in fights in elementary school; broke a fifth-graders kneecaps in first grade for picking on another kid and hitting a girl. They don't know that when I was only 14 years old I took out 3 gang bangers trying to rape my best friend with a baseball bat. They don't know that I had to fight off another guy because he broke in our house to try to rape me when they weren't home. Yes, I do know how to defend myself rather well. They don't know that I worked 6 jobs in order to take care of my 2 little siblings when my parents were each in a different hospital over the summer, when one of those jobs was performing at bars as a singer, yet a bit of a seductive singer. Let's just say as a 3 sport collegiate athlete that actually can dance and has a strong voice, I don't have a bad body with my lifting and workouts and I wasn't in charge of what I wore. I made most of my money there. They don't know that as a 19 year old, I wish that I knew what it was like to date. I wish I knew what it was like to be in a relationship. I wish that I could control my crazy sexually crazed dreams and day dreams when I see someone attractive. Ugh, they don't know what it's like to be a college young woman who has been so sheltered in her life that she has never even held a guys hand because her parents wouldn't let her date. Only hugs and kisses on the cheek, if need be. I'm not ugly nor socially awkward or stupid. I just wish I could either experience something like that or control these fantasys. The day dreams and dreams that replay in my head throughout the entire day. It's becoming unbareable now.

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  • OK the crazy sexual dreams and desires are normal, we ALL have them. If you are so into sports and stuff I find it hard to believe that you NEVER have some time alone with other people who are not family...your story doesn't make sense there. I'm married, have a family but still find my self alone with other people through out the day. Some are men (single & married) and I find we can talk about a lot of things. I know the opportunities are there if I wanted them, but I don't, so I find it hard to believe that NO boys will talk to you. Remember you control the situation and can let it go as far and in the direction you want. I

  • Would you dance,
    If I asked you to dance?
    Would you run,
    And never look back?

    I can be your hero, baby.
    I can kiss away the pain.
    I will stand by you forever.
    You can take my breath away.

    Would you swear,
    That you'll always be mine? {FROM '4 u " only}

  • Why don't you just date someone without telling them...

  • Because I can't. In my family, you're not an adult until you're 20. As crazy as that sounds, that's how it is. And even if I did want to date someone, no one wants to date me because "I am too prude". It's just never been a two-way street.

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