so, to set the mood to this confession i highly recommend the song 'creep' by radiohead and a glass of whiskey....

im always miserable. always. i have a lot of friends. a job i love. and money. yet no matter what everything makes me want to just lay down and die. do u know how nice death is? jim morrison once said that the most peaceful thing in life is death because it all stops. if it all stopped, who would care? if i just layed down and let it all go, would time stand still? will everything always be a fight to tears? who are u, incredible emotion, why do u haunt me? what have i ever done? what did i do to deserve all this misery? im so apathetic and so emotionally connected to everyone so easily i feel like someone kicked me straight to the bawls all the time.

my parents think somethings wrong with me. my friends try but cant understand. doctors have no explanation...misssssery.

i dont belong here..

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  • I can relate to what you're writing here,only that in my case,this sort of \\"metaphysical sadness\\"can simply be called depression..
    Reading your post reminded me of a poem (one that my mind has buried deep enough not to be able to remember its title) that defines this \\" misery \\" as \\" homesickness unto death \\".I sincerely hope death is all calm and voiceless and nurturing and safe and truly everlasting..I hope nothingness feels like home and time shall be forever still..
    I also think you secretly cultivate these feelings you experience,that you enjoy this \\"poetic\\" dimension of dying and being dead,and I think that you secretly enjoy being haunted by \\"ghosts\\" and questions with no answer,that all this \\"misery\\" as you call it,has as much appealing lyricism in it as death itself..And I don't mean any of these in a bad way.
    I am not a great wiskey fan myself-I'd rather enjoy my \\"little demons\\" with some fine red wine-but good choice of musical background :)....

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