Its wrong. Demented. Deranged. Cruel to think about.
But, possibly, im making it out worse than it really is.
(A petty thought.)
I have seen countless documentaries, read countless books, known so many people with this hindrance to their life. (If it is even that.) My cousin, to be blunt, is very much a "w****."
The second to last time that I had the light pleasure of visiting with her, sharing a bed, a home; she was an honest virgin. Of course she was very much into bad things, but she had kept her chastity well.
Next time I met her face, she had been with countless men, and had five abortions. How could she? I could never do that.
"If I were ever pregnant, I would have the baby. Live with the consequences." Be...Pregnant? Why would I consider that?
Im very proud to have kept my thighs tightly pressed together; to turn my lips away from the opposite s**. so, I would never be in that situation, other than if I were ... raped.
This is where this ... stranged line of thought comes in. I ... Often imagine what my life would be like if I were raped, and had a chance to have a child, at the age of fourteen. (Yes, that young.)
Rape is cruel, traumatizing. Nothing I would ever want to experiance! But, why do I? (Not so much the rape ... as the lifestyle following it.) Is it that strange that I would want to be a teen mother, but yet one that wasnt, per say, a "s***?" (Very, very much no offense here! There are poor young women who are truamatized and brainwashed, or even manipulated to the point where that it would be like calling a mentally retarded child "stupid" to do something like calling those girls "hoes.")
It would be cruel to the child. And, God forbid, I promise Im not going to stand on some street so someone will grab me and do their deed. And if it did happen, I have strong, strict parents. Not a bad homelife. So no baby would be wrongly placed in a dangerous situation. And, I would have to do everything on my own.
Maybe it's that my life isnt challengeing or exciting enough.
I make straight "A"s. Do chores. Go to church. Go to the movies with friends. Have those stupid, immature relationships that junior high students do. And, I am mature in my thinking. I know many things some of my classmates dont quite get in our lives.
(Maybe, I really want something to corrupt the balance of things.)
Seriously, truely, I dont want those things to happen to me; (Get raped by some stranger so I can be a teen mother. ) But, it really is a strange, strange thought that holds my attention ...