I have been married for 14 years. 5

I have been married for 14 years. 5 years ago, my husband introduced me to a co-worker/friend of his. This person has become his best friend and over the past 5 years he has spent much time with my family, even living with us for the better part of a year. The problem is that I am extremely attracted to my husband's best friend. From the very beginning there was an intense attraction that I am pretty sure was mutal. I have been married for a long time and that time has not been without it's temptations and attractions--but this is different. I tried my best to ignore it thinking that if I just ignored my feelings they would eventually fade. Unfortunately, my husband and this man have become closer friends, resulting in him spending much more time with us at our home and other places as well. My attraction has only grown stronger. I believe that he is also attracted to me. Sometimes he flirts ridiculously openly, but at other times he is very reserved. I do not think that he would make a serious move on me because of his close friendship with my husband. The problem is that I really really want him to. On the one hand I feel very ashamed of my feelings and my fantasies. I find myself thinking about him, daydreaming about him, playing out sexual fantasies in my head. I feel like a school girl. Feeling ashamed though usually gives way to wishing that I could be alone with this man and show him how I really feel about him. Obviously, there is a huge conflict here. What do I do? Do I tell my husband and then have to deal with his being upset that I am fantasizing about his best friend and also him losing his absolute best friend in the world? Do I just keep trying to ignore it and hope that somehow this will all fade away? Do I tell his best friend what I am feeling and ask him to end the friendship with my husband without letting him know why? Do I tell his best friend and make a move on him? I am very confused and this just keeps getting worse and worse. I feel so guilty whenever his friend is around but cannot help my feelings for him. I have never felt an attraction this strong,ever--it is a chemical thing-- so strong and undeniable. We connect on a very deep and intimate level. Any ideas? I am desparate to get his resolved on way or another.


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  • Maybe your husband knows all about it and it turns him on.
    Tell him one night when you are having s**, that you fancy his friend. You might find he secretly wants you to have s** with him. Lots of husbands get a thrill from their wives having s** with other men, then telling them all about it.

  • wow, you are lucky , i don't know what is going on in your marriage but , if you are having these sorts of feelings than that means you really want to have s** with this guy...all i can say there is no remedy for this , i hate when that happens but i don't think you love your husband that much ...i say , you find out what this guy is all about i think you want to sleep with him badly ....i wish there was someway i could give you my number and we could talk it out , i think you want this guy and the more you resist or deny it the stronger it becomes , i was married and some of my wife's friends like the way i kissed and were even willling to deal with the repercussions , hmmm...what to say , i say , you will sleep with him....wait post on craigslist milwaukee with a code word, and i will get back to you ...cranberries......is the keyword.....

  • Three people in a marriage doen't work ok maybe for mormons.

  • why not act out your day dreams on your husband? it may respark what might be missing you your relationship that ou think you'll find with his best friend.

  • don't tell, don't give up your marriage. stay away from him as much as possible. trust me, you will hate yourself if you give in to this temptation.

  • dont be stupid

  • i think everyone in here gave the right advice. some people never have the chance to have a marrige or family. why give it away for one s*** moment. so many s**** are unsatisfied, bcus they dint have the love they can give in return. plus if you do anything you willwant to keep doing it.say bye to a happy family. and hi to nights waiting by the phone.

  • i think you should tell your husband that he cant bring his friend to the house anymore, and be honest and tell your husband the reason why but dont tell anyone else

  • I say go talk to a shrink about it. Dispite many misconspetions, they can be very helpful.

  • Why is this man living in your home? Does he have a wife/girlfriend?
    Are you sure your husband & him aren't living on the Down Low? (as seen on Oprah) Or ala Brokeback mountain? Your husband has to be aware of the flirting that goes on & says nothing because he knows his man won't hurt him that way?
    Just something to consider. A friend of my sister was devastated when her husband of 16 years decided he couldn't live a lie anymore & moved in with his boyfriend.
    But if thats not the case, I say leave your husband friend alone. Fantasize all you want but don't make it into a reality. Its not worth it. What you imagine him to be & who he really is are 2 different people.

  • i feel u my sister
    s*** tendencies are hard to overcome
    i blame him 4 turning a s*** into a house wife
    peace out

  • You say you don't want to hurt your husband..If you act on these feeling, you not only will hurt him, but any children you may have, both of your parents and the best friend. Is one night of satifying what amounts to l*** really worth hurting and possibly losing everyone you love.. Don't be so selfish!!! Whenever the "best" friend is a round, go shopping or to a movie with "your" best friend.,

  • If you love your husband enough, tell him. If you don't want to ruin your husband and his friends friendship than whenever your husband friend is around, remove yourself from the atmosphere. One fling is not worth ruining years of marriage, but if you feel like you cannot live without your husbands friend, tell your husband the honest truth. In the end he will thank you.

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