I don't know who I am anymore

I have lived with depression and being Bipolar my whole life. Early on I realized that everyone has their own problems and no one likes hearing other people's. No one wanted to be around someone that was gloomy, sad, and depressing. They didn't care how much hurt you feel because they had their own issues. I couldn't blame them for that. So I stopped talking. I stopped saying what I thought; what I felt. I started saying what they wanted me to say. I acted the way they wanted people to act. But as time went on I became more and more shallow. I don't know what to say or how to act. I don't care and I can't relate. I lost myself, my feelings, my ability to be human. People see that. I got what I wanted. They don't dislike me. But I am nobody's friend. I am the guy that you joke with and have a good time when they are around but never invite them along. I am the guy who is entertaining but you really don't have anything in common with. I'm the person that is easily forgotten. But am I any worse off? Would being a sad loner with a human heart be better then an empty shell that gets by? I don't know. But it feels like even I have abandoned myselff.

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  • it's ok to be alone. you need to find yourself. it takes alot of time. may i suggest writing. it is very theraputic. but i can tell you you will never be happy untill you are true to your self, even if that is a loner.

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