I want to get better

I badly want to be r*pe. I can't stop thinking about it. I get turned on when I'm being m*lstd in PUVs. I ** to how they feel me as soon as i get home or arrived at school and touch myself in the bathroom. I ** daily that and sometimes more than 3 times. After getting off i feel so disgusted. I wish a guy can just r*pe me even in public. I want guys to use me. I think it's because I was m*lstd by my uncles when i was growing up before. I'm hypersexual and look for older male validation. I always want to be forced by an older guy and use like a toy even if i shout, cry and beg. I'm getting wet typing this but i still disgust myself. I don't want any person to be r*ped, just me. I'm so unwell. I can't tell anyone about this. So I tell guys in online chat rooms about this to ease some load off my back but we end up masturbating to my fantasy and my past traumas. I wanna stop i wanna be well. Help.

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