Twisted climaxes

I know others have confessed to this, but here is my dog tale. I'm a guy, and feeling guilty about j********** I figured that if I didn't make myself c*m it wasn't masturbating. So, I covered my genitals in peanut butter and let my dog start licking. She went to town, licking like crazy and I was going nuts. Before she got me clean, I climaxed. It was pretty amazing! Twisted, I know but very satisfying.
Another confession is that, when I am home alone, I go out into our above ground pool to j*** off. I put a plastic chair in the pool so I am sitting with my head above water. Then I strip naked and start working a big d**** into my backside. Pretty soon there are ropes of my s**** floating in the pool, which I guess the filter gets 'cause they are gone when I go back out to swim.
Probably the worst thing I have done is to pull the tray out of our automatic ice maker and shot my load into it, then put it back into the freezer.