I'm 19 years old. I've always been the
I'm 19 years old. I've always been the quiet, shy girl my whole life and have always found it extremely hard to make friends, nevermind boyfriends. I'm still a virgin. I think this may play a role in why I feel and behave the way I do in the situation I'm about to describe.
I have a best friend and he's a boy. I've known him for almost 2 years now. I've always had a thing for him since before I even really got to know him. He's the complete opposite of me. He seems like a nerd but handsome, outgoing, hilarious, very intelligent, and a theater geek. I always hear people talking about how awesome, funny, cute, he is and what-not.
We get a long so well, though. I feel we balance each other out a lot. We both love video games. I love to draw and he loves that I can because he can't. I admire his confidence and how he can act and play instruments and sing, all things I've wished I could do. He gives me so much advice about school and life and stuff. He loves all the "interesting" questions I ask, even though I just think they're stupid.
Anyways... He's told me the friendship he has with me he oly has with 2 other people (guys). He always compliments me about how pretty I am and how I am so girly but think like a dude because I'm apparently very "understanding" or whatever.
He's told me he's liked me before when I first started hanging out with him but he didn't want a girlfriend because he just got out of a long nasty relationship. His first "REAL" relationship. I understood that. We continued to be friends and never really talked about it again. Since then, he's been quite the manwhore with a bunch of chicks. He says he thinks they're cool and he chills with them and stuff, but he also has a "no strings attatched" s**. We've never gone passed making out because I don't want to have my first time with someone I'm not dating, especially if it's with someone who could just have s** with someone else the next day. It'd be hurtful. I brought up the fact that I liked him still and he still doesn't want a girlfriend. He enjoys the single life and having a girlfriend is just too much commitment in more ways that just being with one girl, so he says. He just wants to worry about himself. I understand that but I can't help but like him still.
He gets along with my family great. He told my brother that he felt like he wouldn't be a good first example of a boyfriend, that's why he doesn't want to date me... He's never told me that. Sometimes I think he's just using me but we're such good friends.. plus he treats me like his girlfriend so much. He respects everything I want and don't want to do.. he doesn't pressure me at all. Sometimes I'm the one who wants to makeout and he's playing video games or trying to make me draw crap. I'm the only one of his friends to meet his dad. His family is apparently really picky about the girls he brings home but they love me and want him to date me, too. He invites me to family gatherings and weddings.. I just don't get why we just can't date. He doesn't want anything to change, but the only thing I see changing is him not seeing other girls. I feel like we'd have a fun relationship. It's just so dumb. I get jealous of the girls he sleeps with because they get to be with him. Share moments I'd like to share with him but only if we're dating. He said he doesn't want to hurt me but he wants to do what he wants to do. He always tries to convince me to meet gys, but when I do he gets jealous.
I don't know if I like him so much because he's the only guy in my life right now or what.I'm not getting anywhere right now in my life. I don't think I'll be meeting new people anytime soon. I would love to just make something of what we have or just lose the feelings and have a normal friendship, but it's hard when he's the only person who is there for you. It's just so stressful. I'm sorry if this is confusing to whoever reads this. I'm really good at rambling and horrible at expressing how I feel coherently.