From nothing to nothing but guilt
Im a 16 year old girl and my friend, let call him K, began talking on facebook the other day. we both discovered that we each had feeling for each other a few months before and to quite an extent. i gave up on getting with him because i thought that he could never be into me because im a bit fat (not much tho, just chubby) and because he started going out with this girl who is 2 years younger than me, really pretty and thin. they have been out for just over 10 months now. we got onto finding out about each other because he said he was always the guy who you love as a friend and can never have feelings for and i admitted that i had a thing for him ages ago. he then said that before he was with debbie that he liked me as well. anyway we spoke for about 2 and a half days straight; about everything from movies to what we dreamt about doing to each other in bed; and we met up like we had arranged to do before all of this. K and me ended up going for long walk and just acting like friends and then we got to a secret little den bit and hugged each other just watching the sunset through the trees and snuggled closer. we kissed and then kissed more and more, getting closer all the time and it heated up and i ended up getting fingered in both holes and sucking him off. we nearly had s** too but cos we were f****** freezing cos of being outside in winter and it being nearly pitch black.
it just felt right at the time, we both have feelings for each other, although he wants to be with me he doesnt want to break debbies heart although she is too young to be able to have a real relationship with him and she doesnt really care for him like i do. i can tell even though i have never met her. after i we went home, i messaged him saying that it was a nice night and he said "yea except the fact that i cheated on debbie" and now guilt is consuming me, and him also. i feel guilty for it all because i was the one to kiss him first even though we both wanted it and he was the one to make it go further than that. i had my part in making in more sexual too. i dont know if i regret it. we are going to act the same around other people because we dont want them finding out.we did all this yesterday and im writing this and he hasnt spoken to me yet today. i dont know whether he is going to be avoiding talking to me or if he is just busy. what i really want is for him to finally break up with debbie so we can be together with no need for secrecy. im covered in cuts and bruises from doing it all outside and they are just reminders for me. i cant think about anything else, its consuming me.