my cousin wrecked on his bike and went

my cousin wrecked on his bike and went to the hospital earlier in the year. i didn't go visit him at first because i was mad at him. he used to be my favorite cousin, i always looked up to him. but he'd become distant from me, and basically ignored me when we'd see each other. we were raised close, like brother and sister, and to have him do that... upset me. one day he came in and didnt even say hi or hug me, just hugged my mom and left the room. i burst into tears. eventually... his condition in the hospital turned very bad. he was conscious at first, then he slipped into a coma. they told everyone important needed to go see him and be by his side, just in case.

two days... two days we spent in that hospital, mostly crying, saying final words. i told him i loved him, and how badly we all needed him. as mad as i was at him, i could never lose him..

but i did. he died there, in the hospital. we were all devastated.. even the nurses were crying...

my aunt had us write letters to be cremated with him. i wrote how i really felt... how in our last year together it wasn't as if we were even cousins, even related at all... but also how much i loved him and would miss him...

my aunt told me i was horrible because i felt that way. that he loved me so much and that it wasn't like that.

but it was. it really was. though he's passed away, it doesn't mean we should just ignore all the bad aspects of his life, because they were a part of who he was. we can't just ignore the bad and focus solely on the good. i focused on both, and it did not make me love or miss him less. i love and miss him more than anything.

am i a horrible person for still harboring bad thoughts with the good, when i truly do love and miss him more than anything?

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  • She is even more of a miserable wretch for reading what everybody wrote. These were what you all wrote to HIM! Not your Aunt. She should have told you all that she was going to read them. I'm sure you would have all chosen your words more carefully. Sorry she lost her kid, and sorry you all lost a loved one, but she isn't very much of human for throwing that in your face. S**** her! Distance yourself from her. And keep it that way!

  • you should not feel bad about what you wrote, it was between you and your cousin and your aunt had no business becoming a part of it. i think he would have wanted to know how you felt about the whole situation anyways.

  • your Aunt was rude for reading your note in the first place and if that wasn't bad enough she had a lot of nerve criticizing you for writing your true feelings in your note - it is obvious that you did care very much about your cousin and put your feelings aside to be there for him at the end. Be comforted in the knowledge that you did the right thing for him.

  • I think you should have settled your beef with him on your own time. Maybe that was not the right time to start talking about what an a****** he was. . .I mean you can always reach out to the dead. . .they are always around, so maybe you should have waited until everyone cooled off a bit.

  • She is even more of a miserable wretch for reading what everybody wrote. These were what you all wrote to HIM! Not your Aunt.
    She should have told you all that she was going to read them. I'm sure you would have all chosen your words more carefully.
    Sorry she lost her kid, and sorry you all lost a loved one, but she isn't very much of human for throwing that in your face.
    S**** her! Distance yourself from her. And keep it that way!

  • No, you are not a horrible person, but your Aunt is for saying what she said to you.

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