I Regret Motherhood
I love my kids. I love them more than anything. But I hate being a parent.
I don't even know if I ever wanted kids. I never really thought about the fact that I had a choice. I just thought life was growing up, getting married and having kids. I just thought that's what people did. So I did it, and I regret it.
I'm not a horrible mother. I take care of both of my kids to the best of my abilities. I feed them, I bathe them, I take the older one to school, I read them stories and take them to the park. I do parent things with them and for them because I love them and I want them to be happy and healthy, but I'm just miserable.
I miss my old life. I miss being able to visit my sister without having to figure out what to do with two little people. I miss hiking. I miss long drives with just me and a camera and being able to pull off to the side of the road to take pictures of whatever, whenever. I miss all the extra money I used to have. I miss being able to just pack up and move half way across the country on a whim. I miss being able to go out with friends any night of the week without having to plan weeks in advance. I miss actually having friends.
I know. I'm a monster. What kind of mother doesn't love parenting? Parenting isn't easy, but for some reason there are millions of mothers who love doing what they do. And I'm the monster who f****** hates it.