i feel guilty feeling hopeless. is there any point
my guardian. you have pancreatic cancer and your so strong. you are my inspiration. you are never negative. i hate my life and my self. and im so sorry for feeling this way when everyday is such a fight for you. im so sorry you had to take me in even if it was before you were sick.it would have been so much stressful without me there f****** everything up.
.my parents. you are both alcoholics and manipulators.. I sometimes imagine how im going to react when i hear that one of you have been found overdosed or comatose. I imagine how im going to give a speech when i graduate next year and thank everyone except for you two. I hate that i am forced to support myself. im angry at how depressed i've become. i shut everyone out and i dont understand why; I hate that you steal from the government. . you both are absolutely insane. or am i just absolutely insane.
i feel so guiilty that i have so much hate for you all. i feel so guitly because i feel absolutely hopeless most of the time. really. what is the f****** point in working for this american dream. to stay productive and busy? to accomplish your goal to what fall in love? get a great job with a house?
honestly... there has to be more to life. i feel hopeless and i can't get out of this feeling. what is the f****** point.. if your working so hard the rest of your life to chase this dream. you are never satisifed. will there ever really be a point? will you ever feel completely satisified. what if this is all there is to life. i feel hopeless when there is such poverty and worse things in the world.
everyone has a story. why i do i feel so compelled and entitled to feel guilty and hopeless when others dont even get the oppportunities that i do.
what is wrong with me. i am a f****** a******.