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Dark wishes
I have not spoken with my mother in 10 years, still have pleasantries with my father on holidays via text. he called me a month ago to inform me that my mother has been diagnosed with cancer.
she was never a mother, always put me down, criticized my looks, never supportive and out every night partying.
am I wrong to wish that she does not survive?
It's perfectly understandable that you feel the way you do.
If she always hurt you, why would you wish for her to live, just so she can continue hurting you?
We don't choose our biological families. I'm in the same boat as you, except my mom actually died.
Be prepared that it's going to ** you up. It may also be a huge relief, but it will still ** you up. It permanently kills any lingering hope that you might ever have a real mom. Hang in there, you are NOT a bad person. I hope you have someone in your life who can support you through this.