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Tremendous Girth
He always told me he'd be there to catch me if I fall, but I know that if I ever literally fell on him he'd suffocate and die under my tremendous weight, the impact of my massive girth would surely crush every bone and organ in his body, likely causing his internal organs to evacuate out of every orifice he has since they certainately wouldn't have any room in his stomach no more, since my fat would take it all up.
Your use of MS Word's Thesaurus is admirable, but if you're trying to validate some perceived level of intelligence, you might want to make use of the Spell-Check option as well.