I think I'm in love with my best friend..but I have a gf

I think I'm in love with my best friend of 4 years, but I have a gf....I feel bad, I feel guilty and confused and I don't know what to do...I don't think the friend feels the same, I could never tell either of them how I feel...ugh, I hate myself for this tbh, I wish I could kill these feelings and throw them in a ** hole and bury them. I hate it. I hate it so much....I don't want to make things weird or hurt any of them I can't do that to them....

I've been with my gf for 5 years, it always felt like we were meant to be yknow? I love her, I do I swear, but I also love my best friend....maybe my brain is just confusing signals, and confusing itself and my emotions. I've never felt so guilty before.....I don't know.....I feel so stupid, I hate it.....

I hope they don't see this....they may be able to figure out it's me by the writing style and the years......

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