My parents are both recovered alcoholics and even met at an AA meeting. They constantly warn me about addiction and say that the odds are even more stacked against me because I'm female. I'm 17 and just started drinking I'm convinced that when their beer-soaked sperm and egg joined they made a super-human who can hold enough alcohol to kill a gorilla.

Jul 8, 2010

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  • That opinion is less about being the product of "beer-soaked" sperm and egg and more about you being 17, and therefore stupid. Not that you would have heard that feedback, because like I just said, stupid. You had ALL the answers and NO ONE ELSE could POSSIBLY have a more informed insight. No, you were CONVINCED you were bulletproof and therefore it's TRUE.

    Like I said, stupid.

    So it's been almost 10 years since you spewed this crap. I'd love to know how you're doing with your, haha, superhuman alcohol tolerance these days...
    How many DUIs have you racked up?
    How many fatherless kids have "mysteriously" appeared in your life, and how often do you scream at them?
    Do you look like you've been pulled through a hedge backwards yet, or do you just look "tired" all the time?
    You probably haven't worked up to cirrhosis or tooth loss quite yet. Don't worry, Gorilla Girl, those are coming.
    H***, are you even still alive? Capable of using a computer unassisted?
    If you are, have you evolved past being a stupid teenager, or have your background and biology held you back from doing anything besides maybe flipping burgers?

    These questions are all rhetorical, of course. You'll probably never see this-- for all we know, you bashed it out while you were drunk (and definitely while being 17-and-therefore-stupid).

  • More than two drinks a day of any kind of alcohol (normal sized)
    and I would say you may be headed down the spiraled path to alcholism. The comment about embarrassing yourself in your career is a truism. Been there. I regret it. Be mature. Alcohol can be a killer.

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