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I lied
Even though we ended our relationship months ago, I lied and told him I was over it all last month. Perhaps just so we could get over the weirdness the breakup brought and get back to being friendly. Now every time I see him, I melt and everything I felt before is felt again. I miss meeting up with him every night after work. I miss his stupid jokes. I miss his spontaneous night activities. I miss sitting together, and not saying anything. I miss breaking the rules. I miss being with him.
...and every time we go out now, as friends, it kills me.
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sdf
Then you need to stop being friends. Either say how you feel or move on and distance yourself. No need to put yourself through the pain.