He loves me not
It is true. I don't feel sexually attracted to you. But not because of what you think it is. I don't care about that. I hate that you hate yourself. And I hate that initiating s** for you means grabbing me like I am your property. I am so tired of this up and down life. You are mad, you are happy, you are mad, you are happy. And so goes you, so goes the family. You decide if we are getting along. And I know--counseling obviously did not work. We went for less than two months. Did you really expect that all of the problems we created over fifteen years would be solved in eight one-hour sessions? You are such a victim. Nothing that happens to you is a result of your actions. "I don't have any friends," you whine. Of course you don't have any friends! The only guys who were worth your time GREW UP and don't want to be around you because you act like an ass! You have a drinking problem. Don't say that just because you only get drunk sometimes you don't have a problem. You acted like an idiot the other night, and I was embarrassed. By you. Because of your behavior. You fly off the handle constantly and get angry because of the smallest things. You need counseling individually as much as we need it as a couple! You don't care about me? You don't care what happens to us? You don't want to see our marriage get better? Yet you do want to stay together. You value yourself so little that you are willing to stay in a jacked up marriage because of the kids? You think we are doing them any good? We aren't. We are messing them up so that they will be the ones who need counseling. They are better off with parents who are willing to make a good marriage happen. And if you are not, they are better off in a home that does not have constant fighting.
I hate that you left. I hate that you can turn it off. I hate that I even care one way or the other. I hate feeling this pain that you have never felt. You don't care about me. You would not have done this if you did.
Happy f****** new year.