I am so sad. OK I am 44 and married to
I am so sad. OK I am 44 and married to a great guy. But I can't help I am in love with another man that happens to be my first love from 30 years ago. I have always known he would come back to me and one day he did. The problem is we are both married. I can't help I never stopped loving him and ended up with such a great guy in my husband Lucky is the word. Boo hoo most say but my heart can't help that I NEVER stopped loving my first love and when he called me that fateful day that was it. I tried, I told my husband and he said nothing, NOTHING. I told him my first boyfriend called me and he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me, my husband said NOTHING. Does anyone understand how badly that hurt me? Soon after that came the ugly word affair. I know that is the truth but how can a person that has never stopped loving someone have an affair if the love has been there for 30 years! He wanted me to leave my family right away and I would not but I am finally ready and now he is not. I have had many conversations with him about his teen children needing him sooo... my own stupidity has left me in the cold. My children are young adults. We grew up in church together but he got a girl pregnant and married her at 17 or I know we would be together. She left him while he was in the service away out of the country for another man. He tried to find me but I was married and he couldn't find out my last name. Then he got his 2nd wife pregnant He was 23 at the time so he married her. Well he is not an angel but he did have an affair with someone else before me. I never thought about cheating before not one day except I knew I would end up one day with my first love. So here I AM . I have repeatedly tried to break it off but now I think I have finally come close with the cruel words that I have said to him. Do I want to end it NOT one minute of any day. People say.... puppy love at 14 but I think you can have your heart crushed at 14 then again at 44 over someone you want but can't have. I will love this man until my dying day and I miss him so much I can't breathe. I am a professional person with a career and to the outside the perfect marriage and perfect children that would make any person proud. BUT I need to get him to get out of my mind and heart. You know the worst thing about an affair is you can't tell anyone or they tell so the only person I can talk to about missing him is him. Dumb huh?