I really do want to hate you. I want to scream at you for leaving me. I want to forget you existed because now you don't. I want to go to your grave and scream everything that I wish you would have done. And I know this wont bring you back. But sometimes it hurts that you chose your drugs over your first born child. It hurts that you would rather die high than die old and happy, after watching your children grow up to be strong adults. Graduate from high school, get married. Have children of their own. I wish you would have beaten your addiction and I wish you could see us now. In 11 days, you will have been gone from this world for 1 year. You've missed my 16th birthday, her 11th birthday, and his 15th birthday. I want to wake up from this dream and everything go back to the way it was. But I know that you're gone and nothing can change this. I love you with everything I have and I hope that maybe someday, I'll be right there with you again.