The worst mistake
I am so consumed by guilt I can't concentrate on anything.
I am a 33-year-old female with a pretty beautiful life. I have a great partner in my husband. We have our issues but I am so grateful I married him 6 years ago and have never regretted it. Almost 4 years ago we had a beautiful baby girl and though we've had our financial struggles we have since had a lovely little family existence.
When I was younger I was a hopeless flirt. I don't know why and I have always hated about myself that I needed validation from others that I am lovable. I have had inappropriate conversations and flirtatious relationships with men but I have never cheated on my husband... until now. Once a week I get together with my best friend at her house where she lives with her boyfriend. I don't even really like him but I recognize that he has that chemistry I am physically drawn to. Last time I went over there we drank way too much and got into a wrestling match that somehow turned into a threesome. I have never had a threesome or engaged in anything remotely kinky. I would never in a million years have guessed that I would do such a crazy, ridiculous thing. The condom came off during and the following day I nursed the world's worst hangover paired with the numbing fear that I would be pregnant as a result. The boyfriend assured me he did not come and I believe him but now I can't believe I could be so careless with something as precious as my family is to me. It is killing me that I can't tell my husband. I don't know if I could forgive him something like this. How can I look him in the face, sleep in the same bed or any of the other simple things that used to be my life now? I'm ripped apart by guilt and would do anything to undo what I've done.
Is my marriage doomed? Is telling him and risking the future of my happy family the right thing to do? I know it's too late to do the right thing but if there is anything I can do to right my wrong even a little I want to try. If you knew me you would never believe it. I'm a charitable, sensitive good-hearted person who made the worst mistake of her life.