I'm so insecure
I'm so insecure in my relationship that everytime I make my boyfriend mad, I'm terrified he's going to break up with me. I see pretty girls at parties and wonder if he wishes he was with them instead of me. I have even befriended girls I don't even like just so that if my boyfriend and I happen to break up, they will be bound by girl code to stay away from him. The only reason I am so scared is because he has broken up with me once already because he was looking for a bigger better deal. The thing is, since I agreed to try again, he has been trying so hard to prove to me that he cares about me and that the person he was isn't him anymore, and he has been doing a really good job at it. It makes me feel all the more worse that I am still insecure even though he's trying so hard to prove that I don't need to be. But I need to start changing and sucking it up, because I can tell he's running out of patience. If only I could make him understand that the reason I'm like this is because I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about him, and I'm so afraid I'll lose him again for stupid reasons. I'm not jealous out of spite and I'm not petty out of anger, it's all out of fear, and I hate myself for it.