Past Sins

I'm a middle aged male now but when I was young, I messed around some with male cousins and my brothers. I regret it now. I wonder if it's common or am I a freak of nature.

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  • Regret benefits no one. You can't change the past. Why worry.

    Although I understand that one can not just leave it all behind. When I was 19 I abused / took advantage of a 13yo girl. She had a crush on me and I would tell her to wear skimpy skirts all the time even when she was not with me. I had her sit on my lap and I would feel her up and run my hands up her legs and under her shirt. If she did not do what I told her to do then I would spank her. For me it was an erotic power trip.

    I so regret what I did. There are times when I wonder wheter I totally messed her up. I have agonised over whether to go and apologise to her or just leave it in case it opens old wounds for her. I do fear that she will report it. I am totally ashamed of what I did and if ever she does report it I am not going to fight it. I will apologise unconditionally and if I get sent to jail then so be it. Mind you that will s**** my family. So this sort of history just results in bad and more bad. I think forgiveness is the only answer but that is not for me to ask for. Just her to give. Maybe she has.

  • You still wish were were doing it, with them or other guys? Or are you glad you "grew out of that" and are happy being with women?

  • How young were you? In your teens, or a young child? Its actually not that abnormal for children (even if they're related) to experiment sexually, nor is it really all that unhealthy. You're just figuring out how stuff works, and because you're usually around family anyways, that's who kids end up experimenting with. Not uncommon, and although some may find it horrifying, most kids who do this grow up to find more approporiate sexual partners with no lasting attraction to family or mental damage incurred.

    If you were older, then that would be more uncommon. And while I don't feel its my place to judge, if you were a teenager experimenting sexually with family members, I would think that that might have more serious consequences, pyschologically.

    No matter what age you were, if this still bothers you, get help. If not, well then, let it go.

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