Too Much Love

I've known you for four days and I feel like I'm in love with you, though I know it cannot be. I don't regret last night, but I know I was being stupid. I trusted you enough not to do anything and in that I was safe. I just like you too much. I wanted to be best friends. I thought I had decided that before I got too involved I would keep it there and wouldn't let our relationship progress to the s***** place I'm chillin' in now. I have a problem. I just have all this love inside me that I want to pour out on someone. It doesn't really matter who, and anyone I get close to becomes a hazard for me, especially someone I am even slightly attracted to. I move into lala land and do idiotic things. My head goes crazy and I get too attached. I lead people on when I'm not sure if I like them as much as my actions say I do. My body says yes and me head says no. I know that you like me, but our relationship isn't strong enough to last through the separation. We will still be friends and every time we see each other I feel like the tension will still be there, but I don't think it will ever progress to anything more and I'm not sure I want it to. I actually know that we wouldn't be a good match. The worst part is that I know you're a good person and I love your personality, but that doesn't make up for your past or your present. I honestly don't even know you well enough to know how much you're telling other people about us, if you're lying or would lie to people about how far our relationship has gone, or if you've lied or are keeping anything I should know from me now. A four day relationship just isn't enough. My heart is foolish and weak. I'm just projecting what I want onto you, knowing at the same time that you can't really give it to me. Goodbye for the summer at least. Hopefully it will give me time to sew my heart back together. Maybe I'll even do some maturing. Who knows?

May 12, 2011

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