Married but gay

I'm thirty nine years old, married to a wonderful woman for 18 years, and we have two beautiful daughters. Over the past few years, I have lost all sexual desire for women; all I think about is men.

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  • I think you should talk to your wife. You're 39, and at some point you had sexual desire for women, therefore I'd assume you're more bi-sexual than gay. I don't try to tell people how to decide their sexual orientation, but in your case I'd look at other reasons as well. What are you missing in your marriage? You could be chemically imbalanced due to stress as well. See, gay generally knows their gay when they hit puberty. This change, unless it was always there and you really were never attracted to women, has to do with something that has happened or that has been lacking in your life.

    I think it would be a travesty if you were to experiment with men, loose your wife and find that, in your situation, it was only a phase. Maybe things have dulled down in the bedroom, that brings fantasies to surface? Try different things. Get a strap on and let your wife go at it.

    What you do is your choice, my point is if your were "gay, gay", 18 years ago, before saying "I do", you would have been aware of that truth. I just want you to spend some time to dig deeper into yourself to find why? "I was attracted to women, now I'm not." As a Certified Behavior Analyst, I've counseled the aftermath of some who have, "I'm gay.....No I'm not", but already lost everything they worked so hard for before. Looking at your age, it may be a desire for a huge change, maybe because deep down you fear getting older? Or if you find you're attracted to both, talk to your wife about adding a guy for a 3 some every now and then.

    I bring up these options because most of who I speak to who are gay, know they're gay, buy are married to a woman generally state that they have never been attracted to or have never intimately loved the woman they are with.

    Good luck to you. Take care.

  • I think that you have two options here..
    1. dont do anything about it, continue living your life. Be nice to your wife maybe become best friends? , watch your beautiful daughters grow up, and take this secret to the grave.
    2. Let this secret come out. Tell your daughters tell your wife. You might face regetion or it could turn out the complete opposite. 39 is not to late to start a new life. You deserve to be happy. If you dont want to do it for yourself then do it for your wife. At one point you really loved this women and she is the mother of your children. I'm assuming shes close to your age Dont you think that she deserves to be happy two, a chance to start a new life as well?
    In the end you will choose whatever you think is right. I wish you the best of luck.

    -Liz :]

  • At 39 you cannot start a new life. If you cannot stand, sometimes f.. with an other male, but very safety, then go back to your family. I am almost sure, your wife knows or guesses your feelings, but she is saving the family.

  • That is the worst advice ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 How the h*** do you know what his wife knows or don't know????????????????.

    He should leave his wife and children BEFORE he does something really stupid.And 39 is NOT to late to start a new life.He should tell his wife!So she can start a new life too, with someone who is will be truthful and not drag her and her children in the gutter!

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