I have been having an affair with a man who used to be my psychotherapist. It has been 7 years - I have been married 17 years. The intimacy is great and a part of me loves him, but I don't want to leave my husband. I am more emotionally involved than my lover is which bothers me some, but it is what it is......

Aug 23, 2013

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  • Ok you are his S***. That what you are.

  • Why are you people defending her? What she's doing is horrible. Pretending you actually have feelings. Only someone evil betrays her own family like that.

  • if you are uncomfortable with how things are, that's a sign that they are off the track. you need to get off the train altogether because hes going to hurt you.....if he hasnt already done that (and i have the feeling that he has). go home to your family, or at least find someone more interested in you to be your lover. im sorry your in such a scary place and i hope things get better.

  • For what its worth........I think what your doing is so sexy and I hope you find a way to be comfortable and keep it going in your life. Good luck!!

  • I hear you. It's always frightening when you are more invested -- physically and emotionally AND ROMANTICALLY -- than your partner, whether it's a spouse or an affair partner: you're so much farther out on the branch than they are, and so if it breaks, you're the one who'll be injured in the fall while they grip the trunk safely. That's a difficult position to be in, under any circumstances. I would address that with you, but the fact you stated initially is more troubling. Your affair partner is trained in the functioning of the mind and understands it better than you. And that makes me wonder ..... and you have to answer yourself .... is he using his professional skill (the thing he makes a living at) to manipulate you and your feelings to his own benefit? If he's doing that, he may be skilled or seasoned enough to be doing it without you being directly aware of it, and obviously, he would not want it to be apparent. He wouldn't want that because he wouldn't want you to know, but also because he would want to preserve deniability. For that reason, this is a doubly (or triply) dangerous relationship for you, compared to the normal affair. You aren't going to be able to clearly establish, nor get him to admit, that he's gaming you, and thus, using you. But you are clearly an intelligent and very-aware woman, so you have to rely on those traits and on your intuition to decide -- before deciding anything else -- how likely it is that this man is molding your feelings and your trust in order to maintain a physical relationship with you in an environment where you are far more at risk than he is. I don't intend to tell you what to do or insult you by telling you to 'be careful', but you have to examine your own senses about his intentions before proceeding with examining anything else about this affair. I'm very, VERY pro-affair (especially for women), but only when both parties are on equal footing, and I don't think you and he are on equal footing. I wish you well.

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