What's so wrong with me?
Outwardly, I'm a guy whose smart, confident, is himself and friendly.
But what is the damn point? People think I'm weird. I am myself around people, because I don't want to have to keep up a 'me' they like, and I thought there would be people around that liked the real me. I dont even know why; I dont do strange things, or talk about weird topics, or anything.
So inwardly, I have no self esteem, a feeling of distance from everybody, and a general feeling that I'm going to be very alone the next three years. If i were TRULY myself, and didnt get myself into the mindset that people might like me; id go around staring at my shoes, because other people make it so hard for me.
I used to have loads of friends, but they all knew me well, and I found it much easier to interact and it all went nicely. since I've moved to University, everyones already made their groups of friends, and are very hard to approach. I really do try. I say hello to people I sit next to, and they just say hi back, and never talk to me again, unless I ask questions or something, but its like they only reply to be polite, as they never say a word to me again if I don't.
There's one person I've made friends with, but when she added me on facebook there was a comment on some guys wall post saying "ive met an odd guy whose my age..". I kinda think she's nice to me because its probably quite clear how alone I feel. And thats nice and all, but still hurtful that even she, a person who actually bothered with me, thinks im odd.
Yknow, its funny because about most things, I dont care what other people think of me; If you worry about that, then you cant really be yourself, as youll always suppress the parts of you which arent deemed desirable.. But its bothering me now it seems nobody wants to be friends with me.
F****** h***, I wish I could deal with this.. Feeling lonely is really bad.