Secretly gay?

I'm a 24 year old guy, and I've been having gay thoughts and fantasies since my early teens. I think it might have to do with the fact that I was raped three times by a male babysitter when I was 8 years old. Anyway, my family and community are very homophobic, so I've kept my gay leanings to myself. I am very emotionally attracted to women though, and I'm currently engaged to an amazing girl who I love very much. But, when we have s**, I'm almost always thinking about men. It's gotten to where I can't even e******** unless I imagine being with a guy or fantasize about the few gay experiences I've had. I've only been with one man (willingly, anyway). We met online, and every few weeks I go on a "business trip" and spend a few days at his house. When he makes love to me, I feel so whole, so complete, but afterward I feel ashamed and dirty. But I keep going back. I'm posting this via my phone. My wonderful fiancee is asleep next to me, and I feel incredibly guilty because as we made love an hour ago, I had to think about my lover c****** in my mouth in order to climax. I hate myself, both for being this way and for lying to the woman I love. I wish I'd never been born.

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  • babe, you're 24. you dont have to submit to what your conservative community says. think about all the amazing fulfilling gay s**, clubbing, relationships you're missing out on. and if you really care about your fiancee, you won't have her marry someone who's not even sexually attracted to her.

  • Despite what your family think, you should leave your fiancee and come out of the closet. You are only making yourself miserable and in the long run she WILL find out about your 'buisness trips'
    Go be with your man, so you and your fiancee can both move on with your lives

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