I miss being friends. I miss how we used to hang out, and could talk about anything. I miss how close we used to be, and how we used to cuddle all the time. I miss having circles with you and passing energy back and forth. I miss being silly, and all our inside jokes, and the way you never made me hate myself.
I hate that you lied to me, and that you used to talk s*** about me to the girls, and how you used to tell them the things I told you in secret. I hate that you didn't think you could tell me the truth about everything, and that you didn't trust me.
You used to be my best friend. Even more than "S" did. I told you EVERYTHING. I hate that you and I don't talk anymore, and I hate that I used to let you use me for your lies. But even when you lied to me, I still loved you.
I never really told you that. You knew I had a crush on you, but I never told you that I loved you. You thought I just loved you as a sister, but I loved you almost as much as I loved "J". I feel different about her now, but the way I feel about you hasn't changed.
I wish I could tell you that. I wish things could just go back to how they used to be.