I hate life.

Honestly, I just want someone to love me. To have ME be the first f****** choice. I'm so fed up with coming up as the last resort for everyone. I like this guy named max. I guess you could moreso call it an infatuation, since I don't really know him super well yet. Ok now the more I type this out the more sense it makes. He's not getting at ME first because he doesn't know me very well. ok. BUT NO I know he would still pick her over me. She's so pretty. and honestly...I've only once been first choice. and that love was ripped away from me. idk. I'm just so insecure and I want someone to want me ): that's all. I mean people do..oh god why am I complaining. I have a lot of guys all over me! but no one who is who I'm looking for, I guess. so I guess I can't really complain. But at the same time I just wish SOMETHING would work out for me. Maybe no one "talks" to me because I don't make an effort either. But I'm terrified of getting shut down. like "kaydee, I'm just not into you that way" I mean I know everyone gets rejected..but like..idk. I'm just so scared of it since I'm so fragile. i should be more balsey. just do what I want! If I want something, I have to work for it. you know? yeah. ok I'm really glad I'm writing this down. It's becoming more clear to me.

Feb 9, 2012

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  • Doent sound like you hate life , it sounds like you love life. to love someone is nothing to be loved is somthing. to love and be loved is everything.

  • Coming from a guy:

    Don't settle for something that you think is ok. Know what you are worth.

    You say guys are all over you. That must mean you have things going for you. That is a good thing you do have a hand to find love out there.

    It's good that you are taking caution to every guy or this guy you are talking to.

    Most guys want one thing. S**.

    Simple as that. However there are guys out there who really dowant a relationship. Not a ONE-SIX MONTH RELATiONSHIP, but a long term relationship.

    I am not saying dont close the doors from life and men. Be willing to talk and BEFRIEND them for a few months. The first couple months consist of...
    "oh you are so cute!" "I think you are the one" "______<--insert cliche"

    Acts those two months or so, you get to see the true person. They maybe a complete douche or they may begin talking about stuff that interests you on another level.

    In turn what I am trying to get at is that you don't seem to be a repulsive girl if guys are all over you. Be willing to talk to these guys and give them a chance. However, be wary not all of them are looking for a relationship. But that isn't all the men either. There are men looking for that relationship. Its just a fine line.

    Be true to who you are, don't trust a man completely in the beginning, make him work for that trust but don't make his job in gainging his trust impossible.

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