I hate life.
Honestly, I just want someone to love me. To have ME be the first f****** choice. I'm so fed up with coming up as the last resort for everyone. I like this guy named max. I guess you could moreso call it an infatuation, since I don't really know him super well yet. Ok now the more I type this out the more sense it makes. He's not getting at ME first because he doesn't know me very well. ok. BUT NO I know he would still pick her over me. She's so pretty. and honestly...I've only once been first choice. and that love was ripped away from me. idk. I'm just so insecure and I want someone to want me ): that's all. I mean people do..oh god why am I complaining. I have a lot of guys all over me! but no one who is who I'm looking for, I guess. so I guess I can't really complain. But at the same time I just wish SOMETHING would work out for me. Maybe no one "talks" to me because I don't make an effort either. But I'm terrified of getting shut down. like "kaydee, I'm just not into you that way" I mean I know everyone gets rejected..but like..idk. I'm just so scared of it since I'm so fragile. i should be more balsey. just do what I want! If I want something, I have to work for it. you know? yeah. ok I'm really glad I'm writing this down. It's becoming more clear to me.