I hate being a parent

I don't hate my kids, but I hate being a parent.

I hate not having anything even remotely resembling a social life. I hate changing diapers. I hate cleaning up after my kids. I hate driving some of them to school. I hate having to cook for them all the time. I hate listening to them fight, or cry, or beg for something. I hate having to take them to sports or activities so they're not bored. I hate having to keep watch over them when friends come over to play.

I hate being trapped in f****** broiling desert, backwards ass Arizona, just because a job pays well enough to support four kids and moving would mean working for about 1/2 the pay. I've wasted a third of my life in this f****** place because I can't afford to move because of these kids. I hate having to keep a close watch over my kids because I live in a f****** huge beige and cement city...the more people there are, the more sick f**** you gotta worry about taking kids.

I hate never being able to go anywhere new, see anything new, do anything new. School, meals, naps, sleep. I can't wait for them all to grow up and go away to college. Until then, I'm responsible for them. I'll be 52 when the last leave the house...I'd say half my life will be gone, and I'll have nothing but regrets.

The first kid was ok, I was 28 and figured I would make a good parent. The second got annoying by the time he turned 3. The third and fourth were definitely a mistake in judgement on my part. Should have just said "no f****** way" to the wife after the first two. There's times I can't stand the sound of their voices. A couple times I've even gone so far as to wear earplugs and ignore them for an hour or two.

I usually stay up late and deprive myself of hours of sleep, just because I know that the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner another day of dealing with my children will start for me. H***, I've gotta get up in 3 1/2 hours to take the older ones to school.

The brief moments of "oh, that's cute" are far overshadowed by the sheer level of s*** I hate about parenthood. Passing on my genes is not worth this. If I would have known I'd hate parenthood so much, I'd have gotten a vasectomy at 18.

And to top it all off, I don't drink alcohol. I never acquired a taste for it, and earlier in life had no desire to kill off brain or liver cells, nor give up any self-control. I think I'd like to learn to appreciate a good beer or well-crafted spirit, but I won't. How much more miserable would my life be if I let slip to the wife or others how much I regret almost all of my decisions of the past 18 years (moving to Arizona, having kids, and sometimes even including marriage)?

Why even bother typing this up? I feels a little better just to put it out there, and I know that nobody I know will see this or be able to connect this to me. I put on a pretty decent act as a responsible (and almost caring) parent. I've been living the lie for years.

May 9, 2012

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  • Having kids sucks, and especially if your a single parent it all lands on u....man if i'd known and not been so naive, I was scared i'd be abandoned but look here I am abandoned. It's just endless loneliness and endless darkness, time does not f****** heal. I hate parenting so much and their constant whining and fighting. I'm so glad when they are at school just to get a moments peace but weekends are h***, oh how I've tried to keep them entertained but it is so relentless, overwhelming and tiring, i wish i didn't feel like this but I'm so glad to be honest and just to say this out loud. i hate the perfect parents who don't understand or feel this way, i hate having to cook and clean up after them too and they are so ungrateful not a shred of appreciation or empathy to help out. Im seriously done, i just want out.

  • I hear you

  • SAPUUUUUUU!

  • Im so glad for your post, just reading it made me laugh as I feel exactly the same way. No one gives you a manual on parenting nor do they warn you at all. I have two and I am so stressed from the chore of being a parent, it sucks ass and i absolutely hate it. It feels like such a relief to say this and kids don't get that your a f****** human too with feelings and a f****** heart, they just see u as this thing to feed them and keep them f****** happy and amused all the f****** time and i just want to say f*** off!!!!!!!!!!!! f*** all the judgemental f****** out there who think this job is easy it just isn't and it never f****** ends

  • You are a selfish person who wants to be the center of attention and your failings as person are your fault. You blame everyone else and let your self off the hook. Nothing negates personal responsibility.

  • Stfu

  • Get lost

  • Peek

  • Not being honest about not wanting children was the biggest mistake of my life but i was afraid of my other half leaving and me being left alone. I'm not sure I'll ever get over this mistake.

  • Whether it was a choice or an accident to be a parent, the issue is you cannot get rid of them. If you had thoughts before you became a parent, you should of been upfront and let your other half know that you decline from being a parent. Honesty is the best policy. Some parents are good at raising children whilst other have to do parenting differently due to an impoverished/dysfunctional upbringing, they themselves had whilst they were growing up. Parenting does not come with a manual so one has to learn very quickly how to accommodate to every child's needs. It seems that you may be dealing with other issues and the children seem to magnify your problems. I don't know if you are burnt out or just fed up with the everyday mundane routine of rearing children. Something is triggering you to have an aversion towards your children and if this situation does not get some attention it needs, you could end up walking away from the family and that would be a sad if you did. Perhaps, you need some time away from the family to help you deal with emotions or other problems you have bottled up. Please do not feel ashamed for what you are feeling. Seek some counselling and explain your situation. There might be some underlying issues which need to be addressed. Sometimes, by talking to someone who knows what you are dealing with, may help you to get out of the rut you are in. They may give you better tools on how to better handle the situation despite these feelings of doom and gloom you are experiencing at the moment. Good luck on receiving some support on helping you change your outlook towards parenting. A different perspective and a change in the thought process, may be the breath of fresh air you have been waiting for.

  • I agree. Now, kids annoy everyone sometimes. But if you got enough time to yourself you will discover the same thing so many others have learned. Eventually you will lose the initial relief of more personal freedom. When that happens you will try to distract yourself. Drink maybe. You'll try s**. You may try to fill the void with Buddhism, yoga, exercise, or whatever. But it is all empty. Then you will know that it was never your children. All of the same grievances will reappear. Your discontentedness will reappear and you will realize that you were the problem all along. The root cause is sin. Your kids going to college will not help you overcome your sin. Only Jesus can do that. You will never find the thing you are missing if you don't seek it in Christ who died for us. Repent and believe.

  • Bingo /s

  • My kid was an accident and parenthood has wrecked my marriage. It wasn't the diapers or the scheduling turmoil or the lack of attention. I got over being demoted from being #1 (or even #2) in her life... but to not even being on the radar? Motherhood turned her into someone else. Her parenting style and mine clashed tremendously to the point where I am not only the bad cop, I am also now the bad guy.
    It's gotten to the point where neither wife nor child listen to anything I have to say. I literally have to yell before I am heard and then I'm suddenly the bad/ crazy guy. Well, I was... now I am just the guy who they aren't sure can even talk. I don't know how/ why the !@#$ I still exist,much less still being married.
    Did some self reflection and concluded that I am basically a shell of a person, a source of income who also moonlights as the free janitor/ butler/ chauffeur for the home I "live" in. I deeply regret not getting a vasectomy as soon as I had some sort of medical insurance when I was younger. Then again, celibacy and having no social life has also saved me a little loot. Knowing my luck, I won't live long enough to enjoy any of my retirement. Probably not such a bad thing as I am barely skating by as a "co-parent".
    Well, that's enough venting. Thanks to the people who run this site. Guess it was a release just to type this gibberish out, even if it is never read.

  • Just letting you know it was read. I hope things a better for you.

  • I feel you i don't hate my kid only most of the time like if he was my little brother that be fine cause i could wash my hands of him when ever it became to much but that's not the case plus I'm a single dad so its not like i could just leave him with his mom and disappear for ever def was a mistake even having him noooot to f-ing mention i recently got another b-itch pregnant and she driving me off the wall. i should probably just whack the b-itch belly and all.

  • Get a vasectomy?

  • I'm 26 and a mother of a son who is 2. My husband and I dated for 3 years before we married and had our child. We are solid as a couple.

    I was okay with being a mom, and actually wanted it. I thought it would bring us even closer. My man always talked about wanting to raise a child, go to sporting games, teaching the kid music, and basically enjoy the family with the addition. I got off the pill and we went for it.

    Back story: I grew up in a foster home, was susceptible to anxiety/depression, did a lot of drugs in my teens, f***** guys for little reason, and was basically a sore on my family when I didn't focus on academics. I pulled myself together and got a college degree and things looked good. I work at a hospital now.

    We were elated when he was born. So were our in-laws. I really couldn't believe that we made a human, it was so incredible.

    After about 2 months, it became a h***-hole existence. The kid s*** his diapers 8 times a day and I was out of my mind. The depression took over for the first time since I was in my teens. This beautiful being that we had on week one had turned into a massive ball and chain by the second month. He's 2 and pretty cute, but holy s*** this idea was totally wrong. I think we should have adopted a dog instead. Much cheaper.

  • My child is a negative child. He was born this way. His favourite words are and have always been "I can't" and "I don't want to." He's nearly 19. He'd constantly moan and whine about everything. He would never try. He used to mock his friends for trying things. I tried every technique to help improve his mood (to encourage but not to change, to help him cope, to tap into the insight of seeing things differently). All that happened was I became exhausted which led me to where I am now. He would (and still does) bring the whole vibe down in any room he walks into. Family find him draining and his friends, those that are left, hate hanging out with him.

    I'm a positive person. I was born this way so raising him on my own has been nothing short of a nightmare.

    We're all born on different plains. But i truly hate with a passion how negative folk find their way to positive folk, infecting and kiling the light in them, so the world begins to look horrid.

    This goes for relationships, friendships, colleagues too. Having a child who operates on a totally different frequency than you is a cruel joke.

    My mood is instantly lifted when he leaves and crashes the moment he's around. I suffer with depression and physical ailments from years of carrying his negativity.

    This is why I hate being a parent.

  • This reminds me of that saying: some people are like clouds. When they go away, it's a brighter day.

    Some people - family or not - are just that way. They are difficult to be around and make life totally miserable for everyone they come across. These people are better off by themselves but usually prefer the company of happy and positive people who make them feel good. But all they do is make those people depressed. Yes even their own flesh and blood. I've been there. Hang in there.

  • Some kids are just born that way, some just drain the life out of you. I know this to be true because I think I'm raising a narc just like his ugly father, when the time comes in the future I may have to cut ties with him, I've partly accepted that coz no amount of praise or love helps this child he is who he is, all i can do is pray for him at the moment but by gosh does he rile me and bring me down.

  • Imagine how the world looks through HIS eyes.

    People are so quick to whine and moan about "bad vibes" but no one wants to do anything about it. They just pretend it's Somebody Else's Problem.

    If it's that horrible and deep down you actually love the son you just had to give birth to, look into all avenues, even the weird ones. Look into past life regression if you're truly desperate. I mean that. Otherwise you're just another whiner trying to bring everybody down with your tale of woe... Mommy.

  • What's past life regression got to do with it? what a load of bull

  • Lol "past life regression", great advice. "If your child is difficult, try getting him defrauded on top"! Past lives aren't a thing and if you have ever paid for that bullshit you have been misled and taken advantage of. So you really shouldn't be dispensing advice on this kind of stuff.

    Now, "so quick to"? How would you possibly know how quick any of this was or wasn't? The kid is 19 and it's very obvious from the text, and especially the verbiage used, that this parent has tried different strategies to help their child be happier and more sociable. For all you know it's been 19 years of h***.

    I don't know what you think you'll accomplish with your uninformed judgment of someone who's clearly at their wits' end about how to connect with a member of their own family. Maybe stick to paying charlatans to tell you about your so-called past lives and let other people try to make things work in the real world however they can.

  • Yeah, people like Mommy here really have "working in the real world" sewn up. Too bad if you're too delicate to handle other perspectives, even weird ones. That speaks much more to your own fragility than the person you think you're talking down to. *kiss kiss*

  • Hallelujah.. An honest parent.

    I know exactly what you mean... I'm a single parent and quite frankly, I'm b***** sick of it!

  • Does anyone else feel like walls are closing in, how you don’t feel like it’s your home anymore, and that now there’s just no more escape. The choice being you either have to feel stuck forever or leave the family? I never understood why men had affairs after their child was born. I do now. For goodness sale, just to be with someone with home you don’t have to carry the burden of birth and seriousness of raising a child. Just to be without care and enjoy life. It’s disturbing how much I get it now

  • Yes, there is no escape they are with you all the time. I can't breathe it's so suffocating

  • L****

  • I dislike that every little freaking thing now has to be organised around them. I'm about to buy a truck just so that I can convert it into a camper - I'm not really a camper, I think most camper people, especially middle aged ones, are drab and boring, but I'm thinking maybe I can used it as a mobile office to get work done while "I'm away fishing". Yeah suddenly fishing seems appealing. Maybe I'm becoming one of those boring middle aged camper dudes with beer bellies now. But hey whatever gets me out of the house. It's not like I'm much use anyway. Every time the kid wants something it typically involves eating - and I have no b****** to do that with. So typically when I take care of child after an hour or so we're back to screaming and me running to mother to get her on to my wife's breast. Don't get me started on the s**. My child just came out of there. Every time we try my wife still has pains and then I'm reminded of who just came out of there, and psychologically I just can't. I mean I guess that's a good thing because frankly I'd be worried if I wasn't bothered! It's like a complete lose-lose situation.

    Meanwhile I'm now enjoying commuting to work - that's a first. I certainly didn't think I'd every enjoy the commute! No really. It's like down the coffee and get out as fast as you reasonably can.

    And now when we're making plans its like - let's do this before she is 3 or before she gets to school or let's not do that then because that may not be the right thing for her. It was hard enough being spontaneous as it is. Now you;'re planning everything decades in advance - and I don't know it just sucks the life out of me... why? I guess I take enjoyments from making decisions in the moment.

  • I actually liked children before I had my own, now I can't stand them. Really can't stand to be around any. I had one and knew I would never have another. It's the clipping of wings in it's most sadistic and cruel form. Being a parent to one child has done so much damage, I couldn't imagine how (or why) one would have more than one.

    I dream about suicide daily. Just jumping off a bridge with only the view of the sky, and ending this misery. The only reason I haven't yet is because I'm waiting until he leaves home so I can begin my life and live it the way I should have.

  • Wow. I’ll warn the childfree. Children don’t equate to happiness unless you’ve DESPERATELY wanted a child. And that’s why there’s this antinatalism movement folks! Your kids will hate their lives too or wish they weren’t born but due to your selfishness, you both regret it. Good job. Bilateral salpingectomy is perfect decision I’ve made.
    Also, poor, asinine people breed more to make more slaves of their own. It backfires when the kids break the chain of caring for them in their elderly because old people are gross. Heck my friend who’s the only child moved to a different country. Life doesn’t always plan out parents. Your kids do not owe you anything.

    Don’t “assume” my life or childhood was awful, using reverse psychology bs; quite the contrary. I absolutely love my parents and my life. My parents literally love us and did a pretty darn job of raising us. I’m very content because I chose not to breed and choose NOT to be depressed with a child that will never fulfill my happiness. I rather a puppy than a human baby ANY day. Good luck in life.

  • I mean I'm childfree and agree on the stance that people shouldn't make that decision lightly, but you are WAY off the mark on how well you seem to believe your parents raised you, because from your word choices I can tell you're a major piece of s***.

  • I'm male and waited until I was 38 to get married. I finally married a 34 yo woman who was divorced, but had no kids. She was the first woman in my life with whom I was ever madly in love. I was head over heels for her. We had so much fun from day one: hiking, camping, fishing, concerts. She also had the "baby bug" at her age and wanted to get pregnant. I loved her so much that we married and went along with it.

    Looking back, after the marriage, and the birth of our daughter, I think she married me because she wanted a baby. Our relationship is totally different after the kid. My wife looks at me as a paycheck and provider, rather than a lover. We don't have fun like we used to, because we have a kid. I'm now 45 and about out of my mind with parenthood. I love our daughter, but she is one massive wedge into the heart of me and the relationship as I knew it with her mom. I just want the kid to go away, so I can have her mom back. That sounds s*****, but it's real.

  • No it’s not. You’re being candid. A lot of men can sympathize with you. Kids come last. That’s why my man and I are getting sterilize because a child will ruin our relationship and we’re both selfish LOL I’m not sorry for not breeding. I want my man ALL to myself. I’m sorry she used you as a baby making machine. Men are visual creatures, be careful and try not to get trapped.

  • Amazing. Thank you for writing this. Feel I could just put my name at the top and post it again.

  • This is one of many reasons I don't have kids at 33 and have never wanted any. I actually have no idea why people have children in the modern area, aside from societal brainwashing and some silly legacy nonesense.

  • Because it earns them next-level benefits and privileges, and all it takes is doing something cockroaches and rabbits (and pretty much every other animal) do much better. If society didn't over-reward people for refusing to close their legs, kids would be much, MUCH less popular.

  • I’m with u on this I feel the exact same way I have 4 kids and absolutely no life it’s work sleep I literally sometimes look forward to work to get out of the house n away from kids

  • Nobody held a gun to your head and commanded you to crap out four more future consumers. Keep looking for work, and include learning basic English in that noble endeavor. (Were you on your back during English class?)

  • You are an absolute d***. Eat s***.

  • I honestly wish more parents would just come out and admit this, just for the sake of their own therapy. We all know that there’s plenty of parents that are just like you that regret having children, and honestly, it’s okay. We all make decisions we regret, and having children is just another one of those decisions; it’s not immune, and if 100% of parents in the world told you they don’t regret having kids, at least 20% of those people are lying.

    I think the only reason that parents like it you keep it so secret is because this confession is often met with such ridiculous amounts of judgment, scowl, and animosity. If we could all be more open and excepting of this honesty, the world could be a better place.

    I am truly sorry that you regret having children. Seriously, what you’re dealing with, I don’t wish it upon anyone.

    But I’m also really glad that you’re sharing this, because maybe, just maybe, someone who hasn’t had children yet might need to hear your words.
    Reproducing is not a necessity, and no one should ever bear children unless they are absolutely sure they want to dedicate themselves to raising a person from age 0 to at least age 18.

    However, I truly believe that many young people that enthused about babies and such don’t actually know what they are signing up for. I know that there are people out there that only reproduce because they felt peer-pressured. Either because all of their friends were getting to the babymaking, their parents keeps asking “when they’re going to get grandchildren,” or even bullying them into it, there is even spousal pressure.

    All of these things can pressure someone who isn’t actually ready into having a child, but maybe, just maybe, your post can help them reconsider.

    Thank you for posting this, and I sincerely hope things get better for you.

  • I know people who have succumbed to that pressure and had kids. It’s interesting how some will say yes I no longer have free time, it’s bills, chores, errands but they simply accept it and don’t sound regretful. I have a friend who says Ofcourse I miss single life all the time. When I talk to this friend it’s always a convo about making more money, career, suburbs, moving , life insurance. All these things sounds do depressing to me. I believe this friend ended up at the emergency room recently due to blood pressure and stress. They have an infant and everything is so new to them.

    Here is the other side of the coin. If you are a single guy in your 30’s most women you meet feel that they need to reproduce. It makes it difficult for us to find someone who doesn’t want to unless she already had kids or health issues. So it does get a little lonely on this side too but I would rather have this than being sleepless and paying more and more towards a wife who now loves our baby more than me and bills for a newborn who won’t appreciate it until he or she is 25+

    Babies are beautiful and sweet and cute. But it’s a commitment and you need to know if you are up for it.

  • As someone who is childfree (early 30s, happily married with pets), it's refreshing to see posts like this.

    Society sells us a romanticized version of parenthood. During the 5 years I spent trying to find a doctor who would sterilize me, I heard it all: "you'll change your mind"; "it's different when they're your own"; "children are little miracles"... etc., ad nauseam.

    Parenthood is not for everyone, nor should it be. It's 2019: we can be complete, fulfilled humans without children. To the OP: it takes serious b**** to deviate from social norms, and I thank you (as well as everyone in the comments) for being brave enough to share your story.

  • Childfree here too! It’s annoying when state the breeder bingos. My favorite is “you’ll regret it” and when I’m in an irritated mood, I bite back with “oh, just like you did? Not much sleep honey huh?” Utter silence... this post is known... sorry parents, not all of you are condescending, selfish, entitled fools but to those who are and say things like these because we don’t fall for such lies. The Instagram false facade of parents and children my look pleasant but in reality, it could be something entirely opposite. Parenthood is a hardship.

  • I’m the same way. It isn’t worth it to me either. My kids are 7 and 2, maybe in the future it will be. Now, def not.

  • The is the part of parenthood that no one dares talk about. You are expected to love your children unconditionally and always be patient and understanding. What if everybody isn't cut out to be a parent? Its is not something you can test drive like a car and decide its not for you. I made the mistake of having kids because its what other people wanted, the first being my mom when I was 21 and wanted to abort. She made me feel guilty because she didn't abort me when she became a teen mother. The second being my husband who really wanted a kid and we kept trying for 2 years only to have a child he has no interest in, now we are getting divorced and I am stuck with these f****** kids I never wanted on my own as a single parent. I love my kids because they are a part of me, but I hate caring for them, especially while I am still trying to navigate my own life, anxiety, depression, divorce, a job I hate, while they whine and cry about anything that displeases them in the slightest.

  • Oh I don't like my kid. At all. He's not a very nice person. He's in his late teens and is turning into a worse adult. I was the best parent, attentive, understanding, present etc. But none of that matters. It doesn't. They're going to be who they're meant to be. They'll turn out to be a real c*** or a real saint regardless of how well you parent. If great kids can come from terrible backgrounds and blossom into loving adults who refuse to repeat the abuse they went through, as too can little shites come from wonderful parents and turn into abusive adults.

    So I've made peace with the fact that I don't like my kid. And will probably stop talking to him once he's gone. Blood or not, a person is a person and I'm free to hate, dislike or just want to distance myself away from anyone who is stressful, abusive or a right piece of s***. I make no apologies.

    As soon as I came to terms with that, I started to enjoy life again.

  • Brava! No sarcasm intended. Finally a parent I’d enjoy to talk to because I’ve met so many. Love the integrity. I’ve met a woman with 5 kids, only one she loves as her daughter, the others, when they’re visiting her, she would ask them to leave or make them. Kids are their own individuals. Not simply carbon (footprint) copies. Blood doesn’t matter these days. It’s a hit or miss, kids in bad neighborhoods may end up dead, prison or become well-mannered. Wealthy children become sadistic, psychotic mass murderers. Spare the rod, spoil the child.

  • It's no secret that having children sucks. And no one knows this more than the p***** that make up governments, all around the world. But having kids is the only way they know you'll have to keep working crappy, stressful jobs to keep feeding more mouths, to put a bigger roof over your heads, to buy more crap... All in the name of taxes.

    It's why governments are desperately trying to encourage people to have kids through creepy ads and articles.

    It's why countries are offering more financial pressies/gifts within the first year of a child's birth (entirely forgetting a child is for life, and not just for Christmas!)

    It's why people who decide to not have children or those who decide to only have one child are punished financially for being intelligent about a decision that impacts their lives.

    Yes being a parent sucks, because having children is all about how much money your good little slaves (children) will make for the country, and just how much they can make off your offspring's back. But in the run up to the day they join the conveyor belt of slavery, they'll make damn sure they'll feed your little one their daily dose of "shut up and take it", all while you play good little nanny to their future investment. That's right, THEIRS not yours. Sadly, your part is done. Now they're here, the Gov will take over. But where do you think you're going? They still need to be fed and clothed, silly.

    Wealth not health.
    Taxes not happiness.

  • Ppl were procreating well before

  • Well, they didn't have a choice. We have the pill, and everything that's come after.

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