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I hate being a parent
I don't hate my kids, but I hate being a parent.
I hate not having anything even remotely resembling a social life. I hate changing diapers. I hate cleaning up after my kids. I hate driving some of them to school. I hate having to cook for them all the time. I hate listening to them fight, or cry, or beg for something. I hate having to take them to sports or activities so they're not bored. I hate having to keep watch over them when friends come over to play.
I hate being trapped in ** broiling desert, backwards ** Arizona, just because a job pays well enough to support four kids and moving would mean working for about 1/2 the pay. I've wasted a third of my life in this ** place because I can't afford to move because of these kids. I hate having to keep a close watch over my kids because I live in a ** huge beige and cement city...the more people there are, the more sick ** you gotta worry about taking kids.
I hate never being able to go anywhere new, see anything new, do anything new. School, meals, naps, sleep. I can't wait for them all to grow up and go away to college. Until then, I'm responsible for them. I'll be 52 when the last leave the house...I'd say half my life will be gone, and I'll have nothing but regrets.
The first kid was ok, I was 28 and figured I would make a good parent. The second got annoying by the time he turned 3. The third and fourth were definitely a mistake in judgement on my part. Should have just said "no ** way" to the wife after the first two. There's times I can't stand the sound of their voices. A couple times I've even gone so far as to wear earplugs and ignore them for an hour or two.
I usually stay up late and deprive myself of hours of sleep, just because I know that the sooner I go to sleep, the sooner another day of dealing with my children will start for me. **, I've gotta get up in 3 1/2 hours to take the older ones to school.
The brief moments of "oh, that's cute" are far overshadowed by the sheer level of ** I hate about parenthood. Passing on my genes is not worth this. If I would have known I'd hate parenthood so much, I'd have gotten a vasectomy at 18.
And to top it all off, I don't drink alcohol. I never acquired a taste for it, and earlier in life had no desire to kill off brain or liver cells, nor give up any self-control. I think I'd like to learn to appreciate a good beer or well-crafted spirit, but I won't. How much more miserable would my life be if I let slip to the wife or others how much I regret almost all of my decisions of the past 18 years (moving to Arizona, having kids, and sometimes even including marriage)?
Why even bother typing this up? I feels a little better just to put it out there, and I know that nobody I know will see this or be able to connect this to me. I put on a pretty decent act as a responsible (and almost caring) parent. I've been living the lie for years.
I'm not a father yet but I always hear about the wonderful ways it changes your life. I have the following questions for any parents who are 30 or older with children above the age of six.
1. Do children bring meaning to your life? Has it made everything "make sense". Does it make an unfulfilling career suddenly feel like it has a point?
2. Is playing with your children a joy and so much more pleasurable that playing with other children or not really much different?
3. If parenting genuinely isn't awesome then why is it that parents go on to have even more children? Surely, if it was so bad everyone would stop at one!
4. Why do parents say it is so awesome and fabulous if it is not? I can't believe it's because they want non-parents to fall into some trap. Surely, it's only a tiny percentage of parents who wish they'd never become parents. Like 2%?
5. Isn't it fantastic to take your kids on outdoor adventures or to immerse your self in their excitement for Christmas etc?
6. Do the moments of sheer joy outweighs the challenges? Everything in life has joys and difficulties surely this is no different?
7. Does having children give you more confidence in other things? Have you grown as person?
8. Does having children the away your own fear of death and of the future? I know that sounds heavy but I hear that the only thing that matters in a paren't life is a kid and all of a sudden every other little neurosis simply disappears?
9. For those parents who say they don't enjoy parenting were you genuinely happy before having kids?
10. Imagine your life without your children. Wouldn't it be empty? Don't you think that if you were childless you'd simply be regretting the fact you have no kids and wondering what life is all about? In what way do you imagine your life would be improved by not having children?
Cheers
It's hard to answer these questions when your in the trenches.
- I love my two girls aged 12 and 2 more than anything but being a mom **. My life doesn't have more meaning than it did before- and everything makes less sense- and kids will not make an unfulfilling job more tolerable, just more necessary for supporting the family.
- playing with my kids when I'm not exhausted is more fun than other people's kids- it's personal in that you watch them make connections and become a unique person that you made
-I don't know why people have more kids- we didn't plan to but our two year old was a birth control anomaly-
- we say it's wonderful because at times it is, but when talking to people who don't have kids, we say it to them because we want to believe it and I'm willing to bet it is a greater percentage than 2- more like half I'd say.
- actual adventures with kids are fun sometimes but require lots of planning and you have to accept that your kids may not cooperate. Christmas is okay but expensive, and there is a great deal of pressure. Seeing their happy faces makes you feel good for a bit, but you still have to pay the bills after-
- the moments of joy are usually small although very intense, but they do not outweigh the challenges at all. Accept that challenges and struggles and stress are part of the whole reproductive package. Kids are not an investment that comes with a guaranteed return. And it's more complex than the ups and downs of life in general because of the size of your emotional investment
- I am more confident as a parent the second time around, but not in other areas of my life- it's hard to have confidence in other areas because your number one focus is on being a parent so you end up going outside your home wearing sweats with unwashed hair looking sleep deprived. Not a confidence builder.
- yes I was genuinely happy before and hoped children would just increase that happiness more. It didn't.
Thank you very much for that articulate, thoughtful and honest response to my questions. It's a very difficult decision to make and one that I can imagine will come with regrets which ever route we take: E.g. 'what did I miss out on by not having kids?' There is a downside either way I think.
I've even had friends tell me that they have a much richer social life as a result of having children (although I haven't seen evidence of this) and that there are so many opportunities to meet new people etc that I am missing out on.
I have also had people look at me in genuine shock and horror when I tell them I don't yet have children. There is a definite stigma to our situation, but I appreciate that's no reason to have children.
Thanks again for you reply
I'm 32 with three kids and I can literally feel my health disintegrating from the stress of trying to manage a successful career and balance a family.
I love my family, but being a good father doesn't come easy at all. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Sometimes I have to put my littlest one in his crib and walk away because I can't trust myself to make smart decisions when he gets worked up and melts down. All I want to do is be a good father but sometimes I literally feel like I'm not capable of being one.
All your friends that tell you how easy life is after having a kid are full of **. One thing I've learned about parents, everyone is an expert and everyone's perfect. Behind closed doors marriages are on the rocks, people are screaming at their kids and lots of parents aren't happy. Society lies to you and gives you this perfect image of what having kids will be like, and sometimes, on those great days, it is sunshine and rainbows, but most of the time it's trench warfare you spend your whole day desperately trying to maintain enough emotional composure that you don't ** up your kids for life.
Doing even the simplest activities become impossible. Need to drive to the corner store for milk? Hopefully you have 20min to dedicate solely to entering and exiting your vehicle.
Yet despite all this somehow I'd burn alive for them and I would be desperately sad if I lost them. It's witchcraft. Why do I love such misery?
Childfree already knows the misery behind closed doors...next!
To all those questions...NOPE!
I feel a lot of regret as well. I read a lot of these comments and it got me thinking... about being stuck in the pity pit. Something maybe about 500+ "poor me" rants have an effect, read one after the other. I feel a little sillier with my own "poor me" **... and maybe that I've been resentful because I'm a childish person trying to raise a child.
I think an inner monologue of hatred and dispair only produces more of it. Meanwhile, your parenting is ** because you are depressed, in turn having shittier kids, in turn feeling even more depressed. Sure if I'd turn back time I wouldn't do it again, as I obviously ** at it, but hells what is done is done. I'll be damned if I spend the next couple decades feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks for starting this enormous thread, it's pretty enlightening. Time to get my head out of my **.... it ain't an easy one but it can't be impossible.
This is my life. So happy to know I'm not alone in my dislike of being a parent. I honestly feel like I haven't had fun since the kids were born. I am sick of people saying how great parenthood is.
Those are the ones truly miserable and in denial and fake a smile and are bored with their lives and put it through their kids... they're lying. Although a few are truly happy.
Listen, there is no one where written in soceity that says you have to stick around and be a parent. ** parent-hood, it **. LEAVE, it's your life do what you want, you're not obligated to other human beings, if you're not happy, how can you possibly make others happy? Just walk out and start over.
Because those people who MADE their mistakes, realize it, and feel sorry for their Lil helpless, innocent, DNA copies of THEIRS. They all can't just start over no matter how much they cry and bargain, you'll be labeled and known as a deadbeat, breeder, etc. So they are obligated for the human beings THEY created, bad moral judgment on their end if they do a crappy job of parenting. They fool feeble-minded couples of their fake happiness by lying. Just walking out, is really no solution majority of the time, so many kids will wonder why and blame themselves, causing other mental issues, etc. Their faults.
Statistically**
As a woman who absolutely hates children (no offense to anyone). It ** me off that women seem to manipulate and persuade their partner to have a child. Children **, they're basically smaller, helpless, dumb and annoying versions of human-beings. They aren't capable of doing anything on their own, and are unappreciative of everything.... I hate that women- I'm saying this because statically its mostly women- put their dumb children up on a pedestal as if their kids is the best ** thing that's ever walked this Earth. I hate the stupid baby-wearing, and the special children diets, and the activities that parents pretend to be interested in, but rather being doing something else. I hate the sacrifice and the selfishness that comes with dealing with children. The bothersome presence of them, and the screaming, whining, and ** from never being satisfied. I hate seeing the looks on parents (mostly fathers) faces who are done and tired, waiting for the moment they grow up and leave. It's so hard for me to be near a child who is annoying and not say something or glare at them in a mean way.
I am so happy I wasn't born with that stupid "itch" to have children. I like my life too much to ever want to have a child, destroying the image of my body so this little ball of whining unappreciative human-being can ruin my life and take away everything I ever want to do. I commend any parent who can openly admit their dismay for their role as a parent. I would rather have a dog or a cat over a baby any ** day.
Couldn't agree more. It's so hard not to be openly hostile or rude to entitled parents who share their misery by bring their loud out of control kids to expensive restaurants to make everyone else suffer, or to let them cry, scream, and run around in the grocery store. I no longer move out of the way for a kid charging my direction full speed. I have had them run into my basket and falldown crying, I look at the parent as I'm navigating around their now screaming kid and say you should keep them under control. Not my problem. Maybe the selfish little twit will learn from that experience not to run at people since their parents won't teach them.
Dude!!! Yes!!! Same here!!! I had to scream at a child approaching my protective dog who would've attacked her. Obviously I would've won and show no remorse if my dog did attack her kid and a lawsuit occurred because her lil ** came towards MY kid (my dog) doing his job protecting me on our daily walks! The irresponsible mom finally arrived after just calling her stupid kid, and apologized to me. Hopefully I taught her a lesson "KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR CROTCHFRUIT!!". I gave her a death stare but all is forgiven. Kids need leashes!!! There are childfree restaurants (bastards running around in hopes of a lawsuit I bet), soon theatres, etc. they're not wanted but a nuisance; a migraine, if you will. There are worse people out there crazy enough to strike a child, or idk why? kidnap. I always blame the parents... kids fault too for wandering away from its herd.
There kids stupid weren't you one I would have beat the living ** out of u if you would have pulled that ignorant stunt on my child
Its "They're" stupid. For a stupid mistake YOUR child caused because YOU weren't watching it? Oh wait, you're an entitled parent--miserable. We're all not enraptured by your Lil DNA copy. Lemme guess, you allow your kid to run amok in nice restaurants while waiters and waitresses try to avoid them and still do their jobs feigning a smile. I heard their complaints. I would LOVE see you beat the ** outta me, I bet you're unfit and fat, so I'll win 😋 make you exercise harder.
No, I was formed in a lab with meta human abilities to know about my future, like not having kids and opening a sanctuary for rescued animals. Why so serious?! 🤡
Just think of some people who have a loser child who is 37 and still living at home working at mcdonalds.
Hey parrot!
Children are a complete bore. I don't feel sorry for those women or men who manipulate. People impetuously have unprotected ** are just lazy to use protection or contraception, it's not rocket science. Look at DJ Pauly D. Used tool. BGC Camille Poindexter being an alleged side chick to a married man. Like Wendy Williams said abt Evelyn's kid referring it as a "paycheck" LOL its true! Kids these days are products of loveless hookups that fool idiots that it's love HA! Dogs are better 1000% babies look like potatoes. Enough said.
I feel the same as well! I have two young boys with absolutely no help from there mother. I just want my old life back! I used to enjoy life now it's all just work and kids work and kids. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy....
I feel the same way except I'm the mom in my case.
I just love you. Thank you for putting into words exactly how I feel.
Sad, I know. I feel like I am in prison awaiting death before waisting the rest of my potential and life doing non ** stop never ending chores. I once had a life and ** going for me n my art. I traveled and afforded my travels by selling my art. I feel my life has been stolen I'm out of options. My son's father had no respect for me or my dreams and decided he wanted a baby and threatened me ta the point where I was afraid to get abortion. I told him repeatedly that I didn't want ta have unprotected ** and get pregnant but he was abusive and ruined my life and body he beat me and almost murdered me while pregnant and look where I'm at now? All cause I finally decided ta try a relationship at 28 years of age. What a mistake. I'ts like he ran me over with a mac truck oh well won't trust another again. All I can do is chores chores chores while all my peers live their live's, I wait for death cause at least I won't have ta be constantly reminded of how my life was ripped up dreams down in flames potential wasted all because this pig for a human being entered my life shame on me I will never trust another grown human again in a relationship I'm so disgusted. And at least I won't have ta wake up everyday cause waking up to face another day of never ending chores is far less pleasant than not waking up at all. Sorry, I'm tired and just want this nightmare ta end-
Oh dear I can sooo relate. I am so so sorry love. Its insanely hard. I got pregnant by guy I was dating after repeatedly telling him I did not want a kid now our daughter is 1 and we are split up. I too wasn't artist and used to travel and have so much Independence and freedom now I have very little free time except working a job that I really do not like because I have to because he won't even pay me child support. It seems very dismal and never-ending at this point but I just keep trying to push on and somehow escape this misery that my life has evolved to. I hope you know that you're not alone in this struggle
How'd you 2 end up with such abusive breeder jerks that just wanted **, a kid and quit it? I'd cause ** among them. Abort and leave: I'm happy!! But I pray God will provide for both of you. Oh vey!
Surrender your kid either to the father or the state. Reclaim your life. You don't deserve this.
My boys don't really appreciate anything I've done for them, which is a lot. I typically don't even get a "happy Mother's Day" or even a "Happy Birthday". It's really sad. They are so selfish and manipulative. You pay for everything, but they don't want your input or your rules. They claim to be "adults" but they will never be able to pay for their own car insurance or health insurance (these two bills combined in NJ will run about $10,000- $15,000/year). The way our economy is, we'll be lucky if they can leave at the age of 35. And I hate this generation's so-called "music". My kids blast it everytime they take a shower. It's full of foul language. it's horrible, repetitive, **. It gives me a migraine and it plays loudly in every store at the mall too. I can't even shop in peace.
Children are worth it huh? Do you think they'll care for you in your elderly age? Not rewarding is it?
What you done for them? They weren't asked to be born you sniveling **. Did you want them so you can be titled a mom and earn gifts on Mothers Day and get repaid back? Who's selfish here?
Don't feel bad, if kids these days were given a preview of their future lives, then asked to be born to YOU dismal parents on here and in real life, I believe ALL of them would say pass. Imagine "why would my mommy and daddy hate me for what they did?" They would abort themselves and make all of you infertile HAHAAAAAAA good! If life was like that, population would never reach 7 billion. I feel sorry for your kids. So tragic.
Anyone with a partner like this should know their kids are in danger and should take it seriously.
If you can afford to travel you know this is mostly an American issue. In other developed nations parents get more help, paid paternity & maternity leave, and mental health care. When I was in Georgia and Texas I saw parents like this all the time. I don't see them so upset like this and hating their kids in Canada and the Netherlands. As for me if I had a spouse like this I would say they need mental health treatment or I would leave for the safety of my children.
But if it was the mother you would be sending words of encouragement and saying to be strong right? Hypocrite
Exactly, ** like this ** above smh....
Idk who would, I wouldn't. Just a whiny woman who thought she would have it all and was proven wrong.
I'm in the Netherlands, government assistance doesn't stop kids from being whiny little need-machines.
Beating them sure does!
Yeah that's because the state/country are HELPING them raise their kids. Now if the state/country wasn't helping them, let's see if they'd still have kids, betcha they won't; small population. Many people wouldn't. It'd be too expensive.
NO one couldn't pay me, not even trillions or more, to have a child. No matter how much help I receive. They made their kids, they should take care of it themselves. Not A village shouldn't. Lazy moo.
This is why stay at home dads are a bad idea
If you read through some of these posts many are moms too. Believe it or not, children are a challenge whether you have a ** or not.
My cousin made a confession like this and we all pitched in and helped her out. Sometimes it's depression or feeling overwhelmed and you just need to reach out. She's doing much better now and loves her kids.