It's like a hole has been torn through my chest...
It makes me so upset when I see young girls writing sob stories on facebook about how their boyfriend of however many days broke up with them even though they were "in love".
I don't want to make this sound like I'm looking for attention, I'd prefer it to be quite the opposite actually, but they honestly don't know how heartbreaking and awful loving someone can actually be. I used to have a huge crush on my best friend so I know how little, immature crushes are, and they're stupid, but that's not my confession.
My confession is that they have NO IDEA how easy they have it. At least they can say they've been with said person. You don't know how hard it is to be in love with someone you have never met, and likely will never meet. I know it seems ridiculous to say you love someone if you've never met them, but if this isn't love, then I have no idea what is.
It feels like life decided --- "hey! you haven't like anyone for a while right? Well I just found the perfect boy: He's funny, smart, the sweetest most caring person on earth, eloquent, talented, opinionated, dorky, interested in all of the same things, your age, and the most adorable person you will ever lay eyes on with the most gorgeous eyes and cutest laugh! Basically everything you could ever want in a person! But ohoho~ here's the best part! he's also depressed, occasionally suicidal, has had a God awful past, has little to no self esteem, lives in another state, has extreme social anxiety, and has large amounts of girls fawning over him! fun right??"
I am literally crushed somewhere between sobbing my eyes out and feeling in-love-on-cloud-nine. He is just so absolutely perfect in my eyes. Everything he does is so wonderful and endearing. I even change how I talk around him from slightly obnoxious uses of the term "dude" to this sudden mushy, caring way with lots of "dear"s and "sweetie"s. It's not even on purpose!
He is so sad and h****** himself all of the time. All I want to do is hold him, and kiss him, and tell him that everything's going to be okay, but I can't because we don't even talk. I want to cuddle with him and watch all of his old Pokemon movies. I would even be happy just sitting in the same room as him. I have never cared about a single person more than in my entire life than I do about him. Seeing him upset breaks my heart and I would give up everything just to see him happy even if it means I would never be happy again. And it kills me because I can't do any of that. I just sit here, on our social networking site of choice, smiling when I see him post something happy and occasionally offering bits of advice that tend to go unnoticed. I've tried going to my friends for help, but they keep saying the same things and try as I might, I cannot get over him. So here I am, confessing my guts out to some random website: I am completely head-over-heels for this kid and I don't know how to fix it.