It's like a hole has been torn through my chest...

It makes me so upset when I see young girls writing sob stories on facebook about how their boyfriend of however many days broke up with them even though they were "in love".
I don't want to make this sound like I'm looking for attention, I'd prefer it to be quite the opposite actually, but they honestly don't know how heartbreaking and awful loving someone can actually be. I used to have a huge crush on my best friend so I know how little, immature crushes are, and they're stupid, but that's not my confession.
My confession is that they have NO IDEA how easy they have it. At least they can say they've been with said person. You don't know how hard it is to be in love with someone you have never met, and likely will never meet. I know it seems ridiculous to say you love someone if you've never met them, but if this isn't love, then I have no idea what is.
It feels like life decided --- "hey! you haven't like anyone for a while right? Well I just found the perfect boy: He's funny, smart, the sweetest most caring person on earth, eloquent, talented, opinionated, dorky, interested in all of the same things, your age, and the most adorable person you will ever lay eyes on with the most gorgeous eyes and cutest laugh! Basically everything you could ever want in a person! But ohoho~ here's the best part! he's also depressed, occasionally suicidal, has had a God awful past, has little to no self esteem, lives in another state, has extreme social anxiety, and has large amounts of girls fawning over him! fun right??"
I am literally crushed somewhere between sobbing my eyes out and feeling in-love-on-cloud-nine. He is just so absolutely perfect in my eyes. Everything he does is so wonderful and endearing. I even change how I talk around him from slightly obnoxious uses of the term "dude" to this sudden mushy, caring way with lots of "dear"s and "sweetie"s. It's not even on purpose!
He is so sad and h****** himself all of the time. All I want to do is hold him, and kiss him, and tell him that everything's going to be okay, but I can't because we don't even talk. I want to cuddle with him and watch all of his old Pokemon movies. I would even be happy just sitting in the same room as him. I have never cared about a single person more than in my entire life than I do about him. Seeing him upset breaks my heart and I would give up everything just to see him happy even if it means I would never be happy again. And it kills me because I can't do any of that. I just sit here, on our social networking site of choice, smiling when I see him post something happy and occasionally offering bits of advice that tend to go unnoticed. I've tried going to my friends for help, but they keep saying the same things and try as I might, I cannot get over him. So here I am, confessing my guts out to some random website: I am completely head-over-heels for this kid and I don't know how to fix it.

Jun 25, 2012

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  • I somewhat feel your pain. I'm an attractive girl who happens to love playing video games. I met a guy on a website to find other gamers to play with. I was instantly attracted to him, and once we actually played together his personality and sense of humor only boosted that crush. It escalated into phone calls, webcam chatting every day etc. Unfortunately we were both in no position at the time to go on a trip or move to be with each other. After a year, YES A YEAR, of hardship and longing for one another we finally worked up enough money for him to move out here and have time to look for a job. I have to say it was the best decision I've ever made because I'm totally and completely in love with him. Distance can be REALLY hard but it's not impossible. You both have to be dedicated. My only advice is if you really love him as much as you say you do, then don't give up on him.

  • (Hi I wrote this confession uwu)
    Oh gosh I would never dream of giving up on him, he's way too worth it! The sad thing is, we've only talked a few times, other than livestreams and stuff when there was more people. And even if we did get close enough with him being only a state away, I'd have to get through my mom because she's my only form of transportation....and then there's the over protective father.
    But, thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it :)

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